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Do you have good support where you are? Great doctors who know you? Friends who visit sometimes? Is the Area Agency on Aging well organized and helpful in your county? Do you belong to any support groups? Do you have a religious community?

If you have nothing to regret leaving behind, then moving as your children think they want you to may be good. NOT in one of their houses, but in suitable housing nearby. Whether you stay in your current area or move to theirs, research the resources available to you. Have you had a needs assessment done for your husband? That may help answer questions about the level of care required.
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I would suggest buying a patio house. It is built on a concrete slab and thus has no steps.
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I feel for you. My dad has dementia. It's a huge responsibility and takes a toll. My mom is going blind and has diabetes.
How much assistance would you need from your kids? Do you have the means to plan for additional care as your health requires? You certainly understand the emotional, physical and spiritual toll involved in caregiving. Social Security benefits should follow the patient regardless of location!
If you're up to learning the honest feelings & challenges of children who provide the majority of caregiving for their parents, visit another thread on this forum entitled "Caregiver Burnout" or the other Q&A's in this section. You may be shocked to learn how quickly these situations can escalate and become overwhelming for a new caregiver.
I'm 52 and am literally not living my life in order to keep my mid 80's parents "content" in their home. Not happy, just content.
If my parents were aware of the level of stress and loneliness I feel, would they pay for a caregiver? I don't know. They have the means. I think my mom has convinced herself we're all happy as can be. I don't feel cherished or cared for anymore. When my parents were my age they were traveling the world. They moved to Argentina when my sister & I were teenagers, leaving us alone in a big & sometimes scary house. (we ended up loving the freedom - out all night in the French Quarter at 15 w/no repercussions! Very irresponsible of a parent in retrospect) Sorry, off topic. That goes to show you my life at 52 and my parents lives at 52.
Please have an honest & detailed discussion about expectations. God bless. Please let us know how everything is going with you and your husband.
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I think moving to your children's are is a great idea if you are downsizing anyway, and if there are good resources ( good doctors and hosoitals, adult day care, public transport) nearby. I would opt for a one level handicap accessible layout in a full service building within walking distance of shopping and other ammenities.
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Hewdays, if you do decide to downsize in your current location, I would not recommend buying a townhouse due to all the tall stairs in such a home design. Being a Realtor I have seen some very steep stairs in my time making me hang onto the railing for dear life, walking down the stairs, once I became a senior myself.

Choose one level living, especially when the time comes where hubby might need to be in a wheelchair.

Or if you can budget this, move into senior Independent Living.... my Dad did that and he was happy as a clam there. He had a nice size 2 bedroom apartment with a large living room and full-size eat-in kitchen. His rent included once a week housekeeping services... once a week linen service... and dinner [or lunch] in the main dining room. Plus there were people his age there. There was a nurse always available 24 hours a day. Plus one can purchase into the next level of services when the time is needed. The rent in my area was around $4-5k per month.
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Being close to your kids could be a good thing for many reasons but it is so important that you have a talk, several talks, about what your expectations and their expectations. Not a lot of families seem to do this (mine included) but wouldn't it be wonderful if you could sit down and plan out you and your husband's care with your kids? So you know what's coming and they are not burdened with making hard choices for you. Would they prefer you stay where you are if you help them with the expense of visiting more often? Are you involved in their lives and want to be closer? My parents moved my grandma hundreds of miles from where she lived because she could not live alone. Losing all her friends, activities and the places she knew made her so sad. I think she would have been better off staying but we could not afford to visit her more than once a year.
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Moves are very hard on those with dementia and often cause a drastic decline. I understand wanting to be closer to children. How willing do you think they would be to help as needed? I would definitely make sure they are well educated on dementia and have an understanding of the help you will need and the time commitment that would be necessary. Have you determined the time needed? Some will be emergency type basis that cannot be planned for.
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Have not checked any resources in my area. I was going to sell my house and buy a townhouse in my area but my children feel it would br better if I moved near them.
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How do your children feel about that? Would you want to interrupt their lives to provide the help and care that you need? If not, stay where you are or have a plan in place if you move so that you have the assistance you need from other sources. What kind of support are you talking about?
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Hewdays, your profile says you are caring for your husband with dementia. What kind of support do you need with your husband? Do you have any indication that your children have time and/or desire to help with his care?

Have you checked with your local Area Agency on Aging to find out what resources exist in your current locale?
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