How to sell my Mom's house now that she is in assisted living? - AgingCare.com

How to sell my Mom's house now that she is in assisted living?

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I own her home, and there are significant expenses: lawn care and snow removal, insurance , heat, etc. I want to want to engage her in disposal of contents and ask her what she would like to gift to various people. Nothing doing - "I don't want to talk about that!" The sale would also provide for her continuing care. She will never be able to return home.

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It's very considerate and thoughtful of you to try to engage your mother in the process of the house sale and disposition of the contents. But given her response, I think it may be too traumatic for her right now. She's probably still adjusting to being in AL, and that alone can generate significant trauma. Giving away her possessions might seem just too final, too close to the end and something which most people really don't like to contemplate.

I would start organizing things for disposition, with the ones that she would miss the least first. You might mention it again after she's settled in, but drop the issue if she continues to reject considering it.

If there's no consideration of her ever returning to her home, then go ahead with cleaning out the house but don't discuss your actions with her. No sense upsetting her.

Besides SA, you could also hold a garage sale, but be prepared for some loss as every one I've known who has had one has said that pilferers do show up. Estate auctions are another disposal method, but you'll pay a percentage to the auctioneer.

Another option is to check for a military charity. When my sister died, I had to dispose of a lot of heavy workout equipment in the basement that required at least a few people to move it safely up and outside. SA wouldn't pick up anything in the house, and we couldn't move up the equipment ourselves.

I called 411 and found a local military charity which also provides housing for ex-military members. They came in (including my father, all branches of the service except the Coast Guard were represented!) and took everything I wanted to donate. It was a perfect arrangement for us, and my father had a chance to talk with some other Vets.

Best wishes for this difficult and sometimes daunting task.
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Nothing is uglier than watching your "family" divvy up things your loved one owns...I have witnessed several divisions of property items ....a couple of them willingly allowed by aunts who were getting on in their years, knew they were going to AL and just wanted their things going to family members they loved and cherished....those loved ones turned out, fighting like rats on a sinking ship, arguing, fighting, it made me physically ill. My Mother and I did not even go until later in the afternoon and that was bad enough. I heard it got really bad early on when the "good" stuff was still up for grabs. The reason we went was my Mom wanted to visit with family members, my brother refused to go....I saw a very pretty patio set that I thought would be pretty at my house and I gave my aunt a very generous amount (to be honest could have bought a new one cheaper) but knew she was going to need the money. After paying for it, one of my uncles grabbed it and off he went...no payment..hey thanks buddy...lol....it wasn't worth arguing about...it was disgusting...Nothing is more disrespectful to me than arguing and showing out over a loved ones "things"...I strayed from the topic I think...it just brings back so many awful memories ....

On your question, sounds like you are trying to do what is best for your loved one. Gently let her know what you would like to do, put the things aside that you know mean something to her and to those she loves and do what you need to do for her best interests. It is never easy...ever.
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I am an only child and I dont know what we would have done without my cousins ! One cousin bought one high end antique. anything else they wanted we gave them for helping. We got an aution house to sell the rest.. pretty much got ripped off there but what do you do. I understand they don;t want to sell, but my folks moved in with me and there was no way I could keep up an empty house 2 hours away on 3 acres of lawn.... dad still talks about getting home to do chores ( Its been almost a year and I was paying caretakers for the property for 3 months prior). We just roll with it and say "Its taken care of"
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just do it legally. i have a childhood aquaintance serving 5 years for selling his mothers home. he always was a shyster tho. guess it caught up with him..
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We went ahead and called in the cousins to see what mementoes they wanted. That pretty much cleaned out the place. Then we had rooms painted. When mom heard we rented it for $750 a month and that would help pay for ALF, she took a much more positive outlook. She liked the idea it was generating income.
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AL is expensive enough, maintaining a house she is not living in is ridiculous. Save the family heirlooms, items with sentimental value, pictures and jewelry. Unless the furniture is high end antiques, give it to family that may want it or call Salvation Army. Old furniture has a low resale. If you are very generous, put her stuff in storage.
As POA you have an obligation to take care of your aunt, that is enough, you do not need to be a property manager as well. Additionally the money is needed for her care. Do what you know you need to do, explain it once and move on.
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Are you POA for your mom? If not, you need to be.

Since you own her home it's yours to sell. However, if you are planning on depending upon her to divvy things up and designate special items to certain people you will probably never get the sale accomplished. You will have to do it without her assistance if you want to get this done because she will never want to talk about it.

You know what items of your mom's are meaningful to her, what items are meaningful to certain family members. Set these aside.

If you try to explain to your mom that she needs the money from the house in order to continue paying for her care she may understand--eventually--but she may not and proceed to kick and scream throughout the whole process. My brother and I finally got our family home of 40 years cleaned out, rehabbed, and ready to sell when my dad decided that he wanted to live there again, alone. We told him that it was on the market, that it was staged already, and that we had gone into debt to clean this house up and we needed our money back. My dad said that was HIS house and he'd pitch a tent in the backyard. I said fine, but don't call me when the realtor arrests you for trespassing or vagrancy or whatever. And this was after my dad had put the house in our hands to sell.

Elderly people get nuts about their homes and I understand why. That's their home, there are emotional attachments there. But you know as well as I do that there is no reason for your mom's house to sit there, costing money, when the money could go towards her care.

You can try to get her to understand but thank goodness the house is in your name.
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