I was in a pickle with my own life when my best friend from childhood, who is like a sister to me, asked me to come stay with her and help with her mom (who, for several years, was a better mom to me than my own) who has Alzheimer's. After discussing the care taking schedule between her boyfriend, her and myself, I agreed. We also agreed that I would be able to use her car in the morning to work, I would get room and board and a small bit of cash. After I moved in, the boyfriend got really ugly with me. I told my friend I would rather live on the street than be treated like that. She asked him to leave (he was not good for mom anyhow ~ looked at her like a science experiment) and he moved out a few weeks later. His leaving left my day off to one, Saturday. Due to doc appointments, and other scheduling conflicts, I am not able to get a job in the morning even if I could find one (we live in the middle of nowhere) as I no longer have reliable transportation. Since January 3, 2012, I have had 4 full days off. I have no one to talk to, no friends, no life. I try to do my art work, but it is difficult to focus when I am responsible for someone who is clinically depressed, has dementia and requires 24/7 care. My friends comments, on a regular basis is: "My first priorities are my sobriety and mom", which I understand.
Now, I am feeling so incredibly guilty because I do have burnout and it has not even been 3 months! I can't do this 5.5 days a week, 24 hours a day (I do get a bit of a break on Fridays). My friend has had the flu for the last several days because the boyfriend came by when he was sick and shared his germs (JERK!). I just want to scream! My sanity and joy are diminishing at a rapid pace and I am afraid I may never come back from it. I still suffer from "chemo-brain" from "terminal" cancer I had a decade ago. I have since been offered a live-in caretaker position in another state that includes a small monthly allowance on top of the r/b and it does not require 24/7 care.
I don't want to be a caretaker anymore. I have come to realize how terribly depressed "mom" has always been, my sister, too. I am so exasperated! My "sister" can't afford to hire someone for mom (she is already dipping into her savings). I am in my mid 40's. I am afraid I will be here for another several months and never be able to leave with any sanity left. Am I selfish if I leave? I feel so incredibly trapped. I AM grateful for her taking me in when I needed a place to stay, but I don't think I can pay this price.
Any advice?
I am really looking forward to being around happy people. I am looking forward to being able to focus on me! To doing what I want to do, on my schedule! All of you on here who are going through hell, please, PLEASE find a way to get someone to come in and help you AT LEAST once a week. I had a true nights rest for the first time in eons last week when the paid caretaker was here.
Many blessings and HUGS to you ALL! Thank you for your support.
This happened to me whereas a friend of mine stayed with me/mom for 3 months and she went nuts!! Being that it was my mom there was no quitting for me -- and I met a great gal across the street that would watch my mom, my sister began coming down every 2 weeks (just company!!!) bla bla -- it actually worked out better!
Here's to you - kiddo -- 'RAISE YOUR GLASS' as Pink would say!!
You did the right thing. Sometimes when all involved can't express themselves properly it's easier to just allow the frustration inside of us to handle it - doesn't typically come out in a good way.. ... This too shall pass.