My longtime BF lives with his 87 year old mother. She's becoming too dependent on him and refuses to ask anyone else for help. He moved in 5 yrs ago after his father died. He gets absolutely no help from siblings at all and won't ask anymore because of the grief they give him (you live there scenario). He is fortunate enough to work from home. We live an hour apart. I have good-paying job that I love and house I own. For the most part it's good....we USUALLY see each other once during week and every weekend. However, mom is getting more dependent on her son and doesn't like him to leave as she gets lonely. I know he feels that he is getting pulled in both directions. I always tell him he will have no regrets and I'll never make him chose....however, she makes him feel guilty when he wants to come see me (i.e.....I'm going to eat supper alone - when will you be back?).
I love his mom very much and we get a long great. She's had a couple strokes and heart problems and is very unstable on her feet. She needs to be checked on here and there. She still drives and cooks, etc. Mother wants son to be with her day in and day out - kinda replacing her husband. I'm getting frustrated and lonely. My BF knows that he's given up his life for his mother. Isn't that selfish of mother?? Some say she's not thinking right because of her strokes, however, I think she likes having her son home with her since her husband died.
I know the saying.....notice how a man treats his mom and he'll treat you the same way. But I'm afraid I can't deal with this situation much longer. His biggest mistake was not setting boundaries but now over 5 years into it, what do we do?