Am I selfish for not wanting to move in with mom?

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I am taking care of my mother part time and live alone about a half hour away. We have a history of bitter fighting but are getting alone better now. She is increasingly needing more help due to spinal stenosis and mobility issues. My lease is up in Sept and I am $7000 in credit card debt. The only way out of that is to move in with mom. When I left today I felt so much love for her. She is my best friend. She has another caregiver on my days off. I would have the entire lower level of her townhome to myself. It makes sense but based on the fights we had while on a week's vacation together I have my reservations. It seems like a good idea because she is lonely and it would be comforting for her to have me in the morning and overnight. Also, she is controlling and would need to know why i'm leaving the house so i'd have to explain my whereabouts all the time. I'm afraid I'll end up hating it there but I need to get out of debt. Maybe deep down I know its the right thing to do, I don't know.

Anybody regret moving in with mom or worried about it then once you've moved in, it's been fine? I have some time to decide. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Everyone has needs.......there is not a human being alive who doesn't have a need(s). It is the arrogant and prideful ones that think they don't have needs or that they have it altogether. For anyone to think they are not dependent upon another then they must remember every day that they are indeed dependent upon God for their very breath, whether or not they want to acknowledge that. If we work, we are dependent upon a boss to at least treat us respectfully understanding that we need a job to support ourselves or our families. If our boss fired us than we would quickly realize that we were dependent upon that job to support our families or ourselves.

We all have needs of acceptance, belonging and competency. Those are universal for all humans. To say otherwise would be to deny your humanity.

With that being said......moving in with your mother to help care for her while you can pay down your credit card debt makes perfect sense. You BOTH will be helping each other. It will get real messy though if your mother insist that see is the ONLY one doing the favor and does not or will not acknowledge your help in the situation. If that turns out to be the case than you will regret it terribly. There is nothing worse than someone making you feel as though they are doing you ALL the favors and you are doing nothing.....trust me I know how that feels! And when that happens you frankly don't care to see that person again, because of their overwhelming pride........a horrid stench blowing your way.

So you must think carefully about this decision especially if she is controlling! You must know yourself well enough.........can you honestly handle someone (whoever that may be) controlling your every move! Is it worth the sacrifice.........the tradeoff of paying down your debt to live with a controlling person every day? How much a price do you put on your freedom?

Other options to consider.......stay independent. Stop changing on your credit cards and consider credit counseling. They charge a small monthly fee to manage all your cards and will even work with your creditors to drop the interest so you are only paying principle. Yes you will take a hit to your credit score but if put more value on your emotional and mental health, it won't matter. Besides, all those banks got bail outs courtesy of the US Treasury........aka, the US taxpayer, you and me!

I speak from experience because my dad moved in with me. I did not have a job and he needed a lot of help. Because I did EVERYTHING, his SS paid the bills. But the job of caring for my father was 24 hours and the exchange of my caring for him and sacrificing my life, was not worth it because first of all, I was completely drained in everyway and was I being fully compensated financially for ALL that I did when you factor in the cost of skilled nursing in a 24 hour setting that runs upwards near 7 thousand a month.

Making a decision based on convenience makes perfect sense but sometimes, it turns out to be a big mistake!
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If you and mom fight now, just think how it'll be once you move in. Fun times ahead! Seems like a huge trade off to me. Only you know if both of you can handle it. Personally, I would've gotten a second job, sold stuff, whatever, to avoid ever living with my mom. She and I had a love/hate relationship my entire life and there was more emphasis on the hate. As an adult, I would not have appreciated mom asking where I was and what I was doing. If you decide you can listen to that, then I wish you much luck.
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@ jeanne,
in my experience with people nearly all interpersonal dealings stem from mutual needs. ive made hundreds of meals for mom, she bailed me outta jail . were good..
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This is one of those times I tell myself to mind my own business and don't respond because there is nothing I could say that would not make me sound like an obnoxious smart ass. I am so glad i am learning to control myself:)
Good night, everyone. xo
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And if you doubt capnhardass, just read posts by other daughters and sons who have moved in with a parent for a "temporary" period to meet some practical need of their own. Why, their self-pride is so secret you'll barely discover a trace of it! :D

(No disrespect to capnhardass, either.)
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with no disrespect for the other replies here im infinately flattered to be the one my mother chose and trusts to be her domestic partner and caregiver. the " lesser of three evils " does mean carefully selected doesnt it?
if you step up to the sacrifice and challenge of caring for your mother full time i think the experience will ultimately be a secret source of self pride to you.
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Are you being selfish? In the sense of considering what is best for yourself, yeah. That is a good thing.

Moving in with Mother in order to save rent money would be selfish in another way, not necessarily a good thing.

Please try to do what is best for both of you. That may include:
1) Spending quality time with her when you make some memories and perhaps overcome some of your past differences.
2) Reduce the amount of time you are her caregiver and encourage her to increase the time of the other caregiver.
3) With your "extra" time, get an additional job and/or look for a better paying job. Get some budget counseling and come up with a plan to get out of debt.

Building a more rewarding relationship with your mother and getting yourself out of debt are not mutually exclusive goals. I'm afraid moving in with her might jeopardize both of them. :(
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Proverbs 21:9
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
I think you can substitute mother for wife.
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Smitty, I would try to get a better or additional job to get yourself out of debt.
Can you see what you are setting yourself up for? Listen to your logical self. Maybe some classes to further your credentials? Does the caregiver move in too? Hmmm.
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Thank you JessieBelle. I'm thinking and praying about it. I care for her part time and she has someone else the rest of the time. I'm in a lot of debt and think I may temporarily do it for that reason and save up for my own condo or something. I am the only child and we have a lot of issues. We're like fire and ice sometimes, me being the angry one when she pushes my buttons. I have time to think it over and pray about it. No rush. Thanks for your answer! God bless.
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