Nursing home will not listen to me because I am second on the living will. My brother is first. He has not seen mom in 7 years and since her fall, has not visited (2 months). Mom changed everything but the living will and that was by mistake..she forgot. She lived with me for the past 2 years. She is dying but slowly because my brother refuses to take away the feeding tube. She has NO idea who I am or anyone else for that matter. Cannot speak in complete sentences either. Has lost 13 pounds and always told me not to let her live like this. I am only second on the Living Will and have been told my opinion doesn't matter. Aside from hiring a lawyer (no money), is there any other recourse? Can I petition the family court or something? Please help if you can
This system would be totally meaningless and chaotic if our choices of persons to act for us were disregarded as soon as we could no longer act on our own behalf. It is very, very unfortunate that your mother didn't change the living will. My heart goes out to you. Her slow death is very painful for you to watch, I am sure.
But the hostpitals, nursing homes, etc. etc. have to respect the legal document. They have no choice. Some people would want the kind of care your mother is getting now. Your brother says that your mother would and you say she wouldn't. Brother's decisions have the power of law behind them. Your statements are just opinions.
Again, I am very, very sorry for the position this puts you in. If it is any consolation, it is probably harder on you than on your mother, who seems to be spared from awareness of what is happening to her.
You both loved each other and you both felt that love. How could anyone want more than that, during their life or at the end of it? I'm going to share something with you that just happened for me in the last couple of days. Yesterday, I said a prayer to my mom, who has passed, and asked her to help me. I asked her to visit my dad, living with us, and try to guide him home to her. I said, "Mom if you have any pull with God, could you ask him to take Dad to heaven."
It felt good to talk to my mom this way. To talk to her, not just for forgiveness and explanation, which she doesn't need because she is all seeing now, but for intervention. It makes me feel like she is whole and real and a heavenly presence and interceder.
Barb, you have been through so much and you have loved your mom through it all. You are like us all, just wanting to do your best but walking in human form. God bless you for your love, kindness and the suffering you have felt for your mom.
My heartfelt love to you, Cattails.
My sympathy is with you as you transition into a life without your mother's physical presence.
Hugs to all and if I can be of help to anyone, I am here.