Should I say I'm sorry to my husband and FIL for blowing up last night?

I'm pissed off on your behalf.

Yes, Husband needs his play time. You need some play time, too. And those are issues the two of you need to discuss without anger and come up with some ways each of you can have some personal time off as well as some time together as a couple.

Meanwhile, if he is not going to be available to help you get his mother and father to the party, he needs to arrange for someone else to help you. Finding a personal care attendant to work on a weekend on such short notice may not be easy, but it needs to be done and he is the one who needs to do it. Or he could decide to cut his hunting weekend short and do the right thing.

Sometimes in anger we say things we regret. If that is the case, sure, apologize. But don't apologize for being angry.

Your marriage has unfortunately gotten off to a rocky start, hasn't it? To save your marriage as well as your sanity you and Husband need to work together toward better arrangements for care of his family. It may be helpful to get some marriage counseling. That's a long term approach. Short term, insist that he arrange for or provide some help in getting his parents to the party.

As someone who blew up several times during his caregiving experience, I know the regret you feel after blowing up, while feeling justified for being angry at the same time.

I always apologized for how I handled the situation. I made it clear however that I was NOT sorry for how I felt. By phrasing it like that, I feel you apologize for the mistake you made without backing down from your position.

I understand their me-time needs. I understand the critical role that male bonding activities play in their mental health. However.

This is his mother you're taking to join in his auntie's celebration. You have made all the arrangements. You have done all the work. All he has to do is: turn up. And all of a sudden he has a prior engagement? Come on, you're kidding.

I'm dying to know: what did you say that you think you should still apologise for?!

id rather eat glass than to attend a party of any sort. your husband may just not be a very sociable person but i hope he appreciates what your doing and helps in other ways.
my family threw a 75th b-day party for my mother a few years ago. as the date approached she could sense how much i dreaded such a gathering with the fish faced relatives and she excused me in advance from attending the party. she excused me from her funeral in advance too. i showed my love with homemade bread and broccoli chowder-- every day.

I don't think Mr Farmer has collected as much alternative good karma as you have, Captain. If he really can't bear the Golden Wedding itself (don't forget his uncle's got to put up with it too) he can always stand outside.

I wouldn't apologize to someone who makes me feel like a doormat...

assandache7 your right. i guess thats why im so mad. i do feel like a doormat. its like everybodyelse is going on with there lives and mine just stopped 2yrs ago and nobody cares

Your husband is a bore!!! He should suck it up and attend the party as this is his large family event and for the sake of his parents and aunt and uncle. Its one thing to excuse yourself from attending early on; but to let such extensive plans go forward and then say you will "go hunting" is totally unacceptable.

You haven't been married long, but I would certainly speak up as you have last night and now while you are calmer; tell him outright your feelings, and that he is hurting his FIL and MIL, aunt and uncle. Further, that the burden of care and managing FIL/MIL is falling to you and going forward you expect more hands on involvement from him.

I don't know if there is another side to this such as "husband told you in the first place he didn't want to go and advised you not to go to all the trouble" -- but being that you are a good person and thought in-laws would enjoy it you proceeded anyway....-- if that is the case, then you might have to eat your words....

Regardless, for the sake of your marriage and caregiving going forward; while you are calm, ask him to sit down and have an honest conversation over coffee, glass of wine, dessert, whatever and tell him how you feel and openly discuss both your expectations for future caregiving and care managing of the inlaws or others in the family (including your own parents or loved ones) should the time come.

You. Are. Kidding. Me.

Aren't you????!!!!

yes he knew about the party 3 wks ago and i have been telling him everything ive been doing. he can go deer hunting anytime he wants to. he has his own land 5min. away. he told me last nit he was going to go now. i dont no way i am still so mad