I know that must be so hard for you Daisy! It is difficult to see our parents with someone else. BUT! Dad is probably the practical sort. Knows his wife of many years has passed and not coming back. He is probably lonely and feels that he should enjoy what is left of his life to the fullest and he wants company. Very understandable I think. My other half was a widower who lost his wife in January and we met in April of that year and have been together many years now (actually longer than they were) . I asked him when we met if it was to soon to be dating and he said " No, she loved me and wanted me to be happy! She is gone now and I want a partner and to love and be loved. It is time to move forward, I will never forget her, but I can love someone else as well" . That was his very healthy mind set. I hope in some way that sharing that will help you feel better and give you some comfort. Please talk to your Dad about your feelings, I bet he will say something similar. There can never be to much love in this world! Hugs!
My SIL's husband (my husband's sister's spouse) began dating within several months of her death, he remarried about 18 months after her death. Some of the family were stunned and very upset. He had lovingly cared for my SIL for 5 years while she had breast cancer. He had already done much of his grieving prior to her death, grieving the life that they had together that was already lost to them long before she died. Its called Anticipatory Grieving. I don't know if your father's circumstances are similar. Talk with your dad from your heart.
It is about companionship. Understandable you do not want mom displaced, but if this brings him joy, it is a good thing. Wedding vows are til death do you part I am sure he carries your mom in his heart, but he can have another relationship.
My dad began dating 3 months after my mom died. They had been married happily for nearly 65 years. He remarried at 81 and, until his 2nd wife died, they had 6 wonderful years. Now, at 91, he has lived with me for 4 years and I would give anything for him to have the companionship, love, and common interests that he found after my mom died. Grown children who want to control their parents are depriving them of the joys of a full life. My dad's wife wore my mom's bathrobe, used her plates, and even slept on their sheets...all this in "her" house. I had to smile and turn away many times, but now I am glad I did. None of that made any difference in exchange for how happy my dad was. I say, rejoice in the joy of living!
I love seeing widows and widowers find new relationships. If my mother found someone else, I would be ecstatic for her. We all need love in our life. Children are children, but people need another type love, too. I would just smile and think that "young love" is wonderful.
My grandpa is 91 and he is in love with his home nurse who is in her early 80s - younger woman. He has dementia but whenever he remembers his home nurse, he keeps saying that he wants to kiss her and tells her that he loves her and he is always ecstatic when she visits him.
My mom contacted her high school boyfriend, I tease her by telling her she tracked him down, shamelessly, about 10 years ago. My dad passed 45 years ago, mom had been without a husband for many years. Mom and boyfriend travelled across the country to see each other several times a year each. Finally, he decided to move here about 8 years ago. He was going to get an apartment, but was spending all his time at moms. They decided to live together, then married just about a year later on moms 80th birthday, seven years ago. They are extremely happy and still love being together. I have always been very happy for both of them, and tremendously grateful for him! He did so much for my mom for 5 years until he had some health issues himself, after which he could not care for mom any longer.
I think it is absolutely wonderful when older people find love! Though I do understand how grown children will become concerned because they are used to parents being together for so long.
My mom died 10 years ago and my dad remarried an old family friend within 8 months. She died last October and nows he's living with us. Statistics show that men will remarry within a year of the death of a spouse. For me at 48, I can't see the big draw of kissing someone at that age... I'm leaning towards being a cat lady if I outlive my husband. I feel for you, for sure, but it's normal.
Be glad he believes in living a life! My 81 widowed mother lives like the living dead, a recluse watching TV all day and miserable. Funny thing is she was glad when my stepfather died, he was a monster. Be happy for him, he has not given up as a widower.
Feels like too soon.....take a deep breath.