My mother-in-law is in a memory care facility. She lived with us at one point for a year. Now we’re less than a year away from all of her savings running out. We’re paying her memory care cost from her savings & SS funds. The facility is only self-pay. My father-in-law was a veteran and he did five years in the military. Does anyone know if she could get any type of funds for aide and attendance to help with the cost of her MC? My husband has developed multiple medical problems since then. I already have health issues. There is no way that we’re going to be able to take care of her along with ourselves, and our young son. We are not able to care for her and us. I think he is trying to move so that we can move her in but this definitely cannot be an option. I was stuck having to take care of her and she really does not want me to plus I don’t want to have to deal with all of her family again. It was a nightmare before. I became severely depressed with everybody coming in and out of my place. I don’t mind having to help anybody but when it’s not up to their standards, and I have given all that I have given then if that is not good enough, I’d rather not deal with you at all under my roof. I’m really trying to protect my peace and help her from afar. So I really need help. I’m trying to find resources to add to her funds so that we can pay the facility and she can stay there.

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Yes you can apply for Aide & Attendance. Make appointment with local VA ..bring all verification of income and’ll need drs to fill out VA form that she is disabled..& become her fiduciary…it takes time & they have their own forms’ll have to get army discharge papers too a monthly income at the most probably less than $2,000 ..good luck & hugs 🤗
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Reply to CaregiverL

Butterfly02: When the funds run out, she will have to apply for Medicaid.
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Reply to Llamalover47

VA Aid and Attendance is based on so any things that one size does not fit all. If her monthly income does not cover the cost, she may very well qualify because what she is paying (MC expenses) should be deducted from her income and help her qualify financially. The sooner she applies the better because if/when she is approved she should receive $XXXX in lump sum back payment then start receiving a future monthly benefit. They don’t deal with facilities but you would use the funds she receives to pay toward her MC facility. This could help her savings last longer.
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Reply to KPWCSC

If you haven't already, please check with the facility itself. In the place where my Mom was, if she was there over a year, because they promised "until end-of-life", they would accept Medicaid if the private pay funds ran out while my Mom was there. However, they would not accept any new residents that were on Medicaid.

For help on the whole finance piece, try giving MIPPA, a federal program, a call. They will probably be able to give you ideas and help.

The programs are administered by each state who might pass the responsibility to the county.
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Reply to ChoppedLiver

I personally just called and talked to Veterans Dept. I was also told that my father had to be inlisted during a wartime not necessarily in combat, as well as their spouse to be eligible.
He was during the Korean War. He then had to qualify having less $$$ amount of income and a home is not counted. It takes about 8 months to receive benefits around 1,400.00 a month which is paid retroactive to the person not the assisted living facility. If the facility does not accept Medicare or and veterans payments which will not be enough after being self pay for at least 2 years, then I would immediately start looking for a good Medicare place and get on as many waitlists as possible. I recently was touring facilities very nice ones 11,000.00 monthly ones. They had 6 rooms for low income medicare SS out of the 6 ,2 of them were available.
Most people don’t think to check into those high end places which are required at least in California to have some ratio of rooms.
My Father did not qualify due to income. They are very knowledgeable over the phone. I can give you our local number 707 565-5960 but all Veterans Benefits usually have a local number.
I agree find a place or have her family members find a place, so the burden doesn’t fall on you two again.
I would have a really good and firm talk with your husband as well as going down memory lane the last time you two took on the care of your MIL before.
Boundaries !!!
Good Luck You Have To Take Care of Yourself before you have the strength to take care of others.
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Reply to Jennytrying
JoAnn29 Feb 23, 2024
Sorry, the spouse does not need to be inlisted in the military too. Lots of Widows get A&A and never served.
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VA A&A wouldn't accept DH's POA use for MIL. We had to physically take her in to digitally sign and she refused. By the time she was a ward in MC, the VA coordinator and MC administration both pointed out Medicaid was the payment method as VA rarely pays facilities -- they mainly only accept homebound care. The VA Coordinator for your MIL's area will be able to help determine any possible benefits.

It is best to get started on the Medicaid process now as the switch from private pay to Medicaid can be smoother.
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Reply to MyNameIsTrouble
JoAnn29 Feb 18, 2024
I was able to apply for my Mom who had Dementia and I had POA. I got a refusal based on another reason which I did not pursue because she was being transferred to LTC on Medicaid. If she had been accepted, she could have gotten $90 towards personal needs even with Medicaid paying.
If I were you I'd find a facility that accepts Medicaid and move her in now, starting out by paying privately.

Where is she now? In a facility not local to you? Out of state? Near any other relatives?

Who is her PoA? Is it you or your husband? Does she have one at all?

If she doesn't have a PoA, is she willing to move to a different facility and understand why?

I'm asking these questions to get a sense of whether you have any power in this situation if your MIL is no longer competent to make good decisions on her own behalf, and it not, then who is legally able to make anything come about.

If she doesn't have a PoA and is not competent to assign one, and is not willing to move -- this will be a problem *for her*. If you're not her PoA or legal guardian, you are out of the picture at that point and the facility may have to have social services come in to being guardianship process. Or, a family member can pursue guardianship.

It would be helpful to know the answers to the questions above.
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Reply to Geaton777
MACinCT Feb 17, 2024
I agree. My husband's family did the same with MIL. To add here, they spent a couple hundred extra for a patient care advocate who helped to apply to a couple of really good facilities because the good ones have waitlists. They jumped onto the first opening. MIL spent another 5 years in that really good facility, transitioning to Medicaid within 6 months.
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No, Aides and Attendence will not give her enough to stay in the AL. The spouse who is non-military gets no more than $1432 a month. Your FIL had to be in during wartime. Did not have to be in the fighting just serve during waretime. Right now that would be WWII, Korean and Viet Nam wars.

Some States allow Medicaid after paying at least 2 yrs privately in a MC. See if ur State allows this, if so, talk to the director. If not, you will need to put Mom on Medicaid and place her in Long-term care that excepts Medicaid. You may want to think about doing that before she runs out of money. Use what she has left to place her now. About 3 months before her money runs out, you apply for Medicaid. If all goes well, it did for me, Medicaid will kick in as her money is gone. Its easier to get her in LTC if you start out paying privately.
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Reply to JoAnn29
Butterfly02 Feb 23, 2024
He was in the Koren war.
You have jumped ahead one year in time. That's a big jump. Your current self is trying to figure out the world of your future self, and the worrying is adding to suffering without any good outcome.
When the funds are gone MIL, if she remains alive, will go onto Medicaid and into a Nursing Home that accepts those funds for her care. There will be no choice in that.
You need to come to peace with this knowledge.

Not everything can be fixed, and throwing yourself upon MIL's funeral pyre will merely sacrifice your own life along with hers.

You cannot know the future. You can't predict it nor can you fix it from here.

You need to correct some of your circular obsessive thinking on this. Every single time it comes into your head tell yourself that Future You will deal with this when it comes, but for today all is well, and Present You has a right to enjoy that.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

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