My husband and I have been very frustrated and have been snapping at each other, due to the care of his sick father. Sometimes, my husband even yells and cusses me out.
My father-in-law is difficult and is refusing any type of care or physical rehab.
He has been admitted to the hospital twice in the last few weeks ( copd/emphysema) and now wants to leave rehab.although he promised to participate. His strength is nil, due to his inactivity for the past year. The doctors and nurses feel he is capable of doing more. We both feel that he has just chosen to give up. My father-in-law is also refusing any type of pallative/hospice care. He basically has chosen to be bed ridden, using bedside commode and does not even try to walk any where ( just to the bathroom would be great ).
We are both freaking out about the bedside commode, as his bed is in the livingroom ( he has a perfectly good bedroom and bathroom).
For the past year and a half, I have waited on this man hand and foot. I know he is sick, but I feel he has really taken advantage of me.
When I try to address the future, such as a nursing home or continuing care, my husband refuses to talk about it or make any plans. My father-in-law's primary feels he should be in a nursing home, because of the type of care he wants. All our friends and most of his family feel the same way.
Mind you, I am not complaining mindlessly, but I have made it VERY aware that I cannot give the type of care he wants now. I would be more than happy to if I felt my fil was at least trying. The thought of me taking constant care ( feeding, and changing bedpans ) of man for possibly a year, leaves me drained and depressed.
Just yesterday, my fil was admitted to rehab.,to build up his strength and already by 7 am this morning, he wants to come home. He has not even done one session. The place he is at is an old place and busy, but has the best level of care around. He has a private room, good food and lots of help available. The original plan was for him to stay at least two weeks and then continue therapy at home.
I do not have anyone to help me, although he has two daughters, they are not around. My husband works, but not full time. He is home at least three to four days a week. When I try to demonstrate how to do something for his father, such as meds., for an i.v., he does not want to learn. In other words, most of the care falls on me. He does drive him to appointments, but now that looks like it is going to be another responsibility for me. I do not have a car, but now my father-in-law is ok with me using his truck. ( I get a little hurt, that he never let me use it before ).
I know I am burned out and I have told my husband that I am. He just gets angry.
I do not know what to do. A part of me has just chosen to not care any more and to no longer say anything other than "no".
I am so disgusted with the both of them just sticking their heads in the sand about the entire situation.
I am thinking of just confronting the both of them at once. Obviously in a calm but firm way. Sometimes I think my husband is just using me to care for his dad, due to his house.
Am I over-reacting? Sorry about rambling.