On Oct 17th of this year I received a phone call from a bystander of a head on collision that my mother was the cause of. It was local, so a ran out of the house and made it to the scene not to long after the EMS has arrived. She had been conscious and had verbally given my phone number to the bystander. She remainded conscious and followed directions the entire time. Injuries were 17 broken bones including a compound fracture at the ankle/leg point. She had this surgically plated and screwed. The brain CT revealed no head trauma. While she was in the trauma unit I stayed, every day sleeping on a lawn chair. She became combative and had hallucinations due to the morphine PCA she kept pressing. I finally asked them to stop all narcotics. She started becoming mean to me at this time and very unreasonable. She was transferred to a skilled nursing center and I was given a cot to sleep on if I wanted to stay. I did stay because, I am an RN with critical care experiance, and now I am working at home care. I saw things that I thought I should stay and be her advocate. Her memory is terrible. She cant remember day-to-day. She denies that I stayed at either place with her. She was sent home a week and a half ago from skilled care. Prior to her coming home I made the mistake of cleaning her house and decorating for Christmas for her. I thought she would enjoy coming home for this. One night I was up until 330 am cleaning. As for me...I have rheumatiod arthritis and fibromyalgia along with longstanding depression which is held at bay with antidepressants. I knew for awhile that she had been getting more forgetful but I wasn't sure how bad it was. I have distanced myself from her as growing up in a very dysfunctional family I have seen that she still affects me negatively. Now she is in need of care. She cant remember day-to-day, is writing weired numbers in her check ledger, states she needs all the stuff done for her, then turns around and gives me 6 things to do at once and yells when one isn't done yet.
I am loosing my mind. I havn't been working in 2 months nor do I have the energy to call them and talk to them. As I only work PRN or as needed they have been lenient so far, but my boss just texted me today and wants me in the office. I am drained, depressed and would like to just go to some happy place. My husband states that he has lost his wife. I feel as though everyone needs me and I cant give anyone anything. I know that I am depressed as I do feel alone, hopeless and see this dark whole that I am in now only getting worse.