How do you handle safety concerns for a parent with dementia (regularly experiencing delusions) who insists on going out on "dates"?
Mother continued to date her ex-husband (not our father) for 15 years after their divorce. The Ex is 68, mother is 91. After her first fall which occurred two years ago and resulted in a brain bleed, she began experiencing dementia. It has now escalated to severe dementia with delusions. During the past 2 years the Ex has taken her on overnight dates every weekend. (His motives are unclear) The delusions began about 2-3 months ago. They are now daily occurrences. The Ex has demonstrated poor common sense - he took her out (against our wishes) when she had a cold, kept her overnight without a suitcase (and no Depends), and then walked her in 90+ degree heat the next day. She came home wheezing and ended up with bronchitis. This is just one example; there are others.
The problem is that she is adamant about going out with him. I talked to him about her condition, laid down safety guidelines for him to follow (including no more overnights), and in response he says to her, "Did you know they gave me rules?" trying to get a rise out of her. Due to her mental state, she may request to do things that are not safe. He will say, "She asked me to." I asked her GP yesterday what I should do, but he didn't have any real advice. I plan on enforcing even stricter boundaries and wish I could end the visits altogether. But Mom will not forget about him. (Isn't it funny that they forget everything but what you want them to?) I thought that someone in this forum may have dealt with a similar situation and have some advice for us. We never liked him, he never liked us. We were adults when they married. He lived off her money and tried to sue her when they divorced but she had a prenup. I suspect that he thinks he can get money from her now. We have overheard her tell him, "Just make a list of everything you want." Thank you!
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Yes, is the answer to if the ex could get guardianship. But, I doubt if he can afford it or the Court would allow it. Guardianship overrides POA.
Looks like Mom is well off. You could file for guardianship and use Moms money. Then u definitely have control over the situation. You can keep the ex from seeing her. You can place her in a safer place eventually. Looks like from a previous post, its now over a year since u asked pretty much the same question. Mom is not getting better. You need to be able to get to her financials. You probably have no idea if she is giving him money or not.
I would also start thinking about ur brothers future. A POA would be wise for him. People with brain injuries eventually have somekind of Dementia. Does he work? Is he getting SSD or SSI? Medicaid for his health insurance? If he is doing OK now great, but he and you need to look ahead to the future. First, though, you have to concentrate on Mom and its time to be proactive.
Out of curiosity, how long were they
married and what was the reason for the divorce?
The attorney should be better able to give you advice about how to protect your mother. Consider the risks that he has taken with her already! You'll have to ask the attorney about the actual law there, your responsibilities, and criminal prosecution of any elder abuse that might occur.
On the other hand, you might chose to obtain guardianship. This would prevent the ex from receiving guardianship (which he also might be planning). You would have many more responsibilities but would be allowed to control her coming and going.
It's disgusting how low some people will stoop in pursuit of the almighty dollar, isn't it? I wish you good luck and Gospeed trying to protect your dear mom from her ex husband.