My husband and I have been caregivers for his mom for 6 months now. He is the oldest of 8 children, yet for various reasons it fell on us to accept her care. We took care of my mom in our 40’s. Becoming caregivers again in our 70’s (something we never expected) is so different physically and emotionally. I’m not angry or resentful that it fell on us. She has really improved under our care and seems happy with us. I just find myself terribly sad. We have plans and dreams for our retirement years that have had to be put on hold. I see my husband aging and slowing down and I know that however long our journey with her lasts, those dreams may never be realized. Acceptance is harder than the caregiving.
I understand your choice, though it would not be my own.
You are an adult. A choice to do one thing means you won't do the other.
There are ALWAYS loses in choices. You have made yours the best way you can given who you and hubby are and what you think.
Sadness is normal in life. Whoever thinks that "happiness is the goal" is going to find it difficult not only to attain, but to MAINtain.
I wish you the best.
As I said, I would never have considered doing this. As an RN I realized I was not cut out for 24/7 caregiving; I honestly have no idea how people do it. But I DO wish you the very best.
So have your husband tell the other 7 siblings that your turn of caring for her will be up at the end of the month and that they will have to come up with a plan B.
My mother lived to 100, just died last month, she was in AL for almost 6 years, there is no way she would live with me or my brother, she got good care and was happy in AL.
Don't give up your last years for her, no reason to.
We cared for his mother for several years, then his developmentally disabled sister took up my husbsand’s time, and then my parents and now just my 96 yo father who is in a nursing home but I see a lot of him still. There’s been a lot of caregiving over the past 12 years and I worked full time so we didn't travel much when we probably should have.
You should set aside some time for you and your husband to get away for a week. Maybe your family can pitch in to do that little favor for the people who are sacrificing A LOT. Otherwise respite care at an AL might be an option.
Good luck to you.