Feeling sad about putting my Mom in assisted living. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Feeling sad about putting my Mom in assisted living. Any advice?

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My dad doesn't want anything to do with her.

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Thank you everyone for your kind words. Does anyone know of a good book about detaching? I am having a difficult time trying to live my life without my mom (I've been seeing her each day of every weekend plus 3 nights afterwork -since I placed her in a home November 1st.) Yesterday, Sunday, I did not spend time with her other than picking up her laundry at a about 7:30pm. I stayed home alone cleaning my house. It literally killed me know that she was in a different home than mine, while I was trying to enjoy Christmas music and decorating. The guilt and pain is intolerable. Thank you again in advance for any kind words of advice.
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When I moved Mom into a skilled nursing facility, I felt guilty. I felt like I failed, I was now too sick to care for her after 8 years, but it was definite GUILT. It did feel like we had thrown her away. I was warned last year by one of her doctors that this was going to happen and it did. I let my two sisters handle most everything since I was having severe panic and anxiety. I know at that point I no longer had a choice, this was all we could do.

Mom was in the home two weeks and suffered "Blunt Force Trauma to the Head" the facility did not call me until the next day and waited 16 hours to get her to a hospital.....she died a week later of 4 brain bleeds.

Now when something like this happens you feel guilty all over again!

Just do what you know is right in your heart and pray for guidance.
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I worked in an assisted living for 10 years. I was the marketing director so I worked with residents and family members. No one is beating the door down to get into an assisted living, but know this. I have seen residents thrive in the environment. 3 balanced meals a day, assistance with medicine management, laundry, housekeeping and someone there all night for emergency response. Plus, they are among people their own age. I can talk to a 20 year old, but I don't to spend all my time with them. I want to be around my old age group. She will have much in common with the other residents, activities, entertainment and a safe, secure place to live. I suspect you are grieving a little bit about this change in her life. You see mom aging and it is difficult. You can do this. We aren't created to life forever. There are seasons in our lives. This is another one
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I think it's totally natural to feel this way. But think of it this way: would you leave a child to care for themselves? They are not children but sometimes they have similar limitations. Part of loving someone is to make choices that are really hard but ultimately leave them better cared for in the long run.
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I hope you still spend time with her....forgiveness is nothing more then loving yourself....It allows the LIGHT to shine through......
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Sunnydays, I feel so bad for you! Elders seem to lose their filters, don't they? None of us wants our children to die caring for us; neither would your mom. Try not to take it to heart. Hugs!!!
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Sunnydays, I'm so sorry your mom is reacting that way. Maybe it would be better to take her out to places other than back to your home, since that obviously made her miss living with you.

You absolutely did the right thing in placing her, it's just hard for her to see that in her sadness. She can't help her condition and you can't either. Your first priority is to yourself and your family. My mom often says she's living too long and hates being a burden on me. I never have a great answer for her other than we'll both do the best we can with what we have. I remind her that she loved her mom very much and would have done anything for her. And I'm trying to carry on that tradition. Of course her mom died at 82 and my mom will be 95 next month, so my caregiving has been much longer than my mom's. You're keeping your mom safe and secure and that's the best thing you can do for her, whether she understands that or not. Hugs to you.
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I recently placed my mom in a 10-bed board and care home after caring for her, along with caregivers, for six years. She is a stroke victim with limited mobility and requires 24 hr supervision/care. I brought her home to watch football yesterday which she loves to do, but she made the comment that she'd been thrown away and doesn't belong in our home any more. I am feeling absolutely gut-wrenched today.... any words of wisdom on how to cope? I appreciate someones comment earlier about grieving, as that is what I believe I'm feeling.
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Yes it seemed to take me forever to decide. I look at so many Senior Care Facilities and none of them got me very excited. So I decided instead to you a home Senior Caregiver to help me out and found one online at bytownehomecare. It was the best decision I could make at that time.
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I have a feeling that you're feeling more than just sad about putting your mom in assisted living. You're probably sad that your dad has walked away from caring about your mom and that things aren't like they are any more. All of those feelings are perfectly normal. It's very hard to see your parents age and to have to become "the parent" to them. But you have a lot of support on here from others who have gone through the same thing or similar things.

Like the others have said, you did the right thing for your mom and she's in the right place for her and for your dad. I imagine your dad is having a hard time adjusting to the changes in your mom. That's normal too. So feel sad and grieve the changes in your life and the lives of your parents for a while and then go on. It will get better.
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