My husbands sister has only POA over finances with their mother, and says my husband cannot bring their mother into our home to live with us, their step father just passed away, and im not sure where to start, we want her home with us, and the sister is saying we will have to go to court, only because she is wanting $$$ We want her to be around family and loved, because when she finds out her husband is gone, she will not be alive much longer either. HELP

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It would be no skin off of your SIL back to allow your MIL to live out the remainder of her days as long as you understand that she is the POA and work together for the betterment of your MIL. I do want to say that as a person who has been in and out of skilled nursing facilities, even thoughit has been mentioned about all the staff that goes into a days work, please believe me when I say, you CANNOT rely on that as a measure of how well she is being cared for. The only way to know how well she is being cared for is to BE THERE. If you aren't working, why not spend at least part of your days with her there and observe the staff and her care there. You would have a better chance removing MIL if for example, there was direct evidence of her being neglected. If she is not being neglected, then spend time with her and show her your love and devotion that way. If she asks about her husband, I don't think you should be the one to tell her. Good luck.
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Crystal, my Dad had Medicare and secondary insurance and none of those insurances paid for any in-home health care such as caregivers. With doctor's written orders, Medicare does send in a nurse to check vitals and that visit could be 15 minutes. Physical therapy is also paid for by Medicare but only a couple times a week for a month or so.

Social Security does NOT pay for nursing homes, unless you meant your MIL is self-pay and the SS is part of the payment, along with the pension.

If your Mother-in-law is getting Social Security and her late husband's pension [if the company had set it up so that the remaining spouse does receive it, some don't due to cuts] she might not be able to be accepted by Medicaid, which is a State program to help elders who are poor.

Others here on the forum will be writing their answers. So please read them and take note on what they are saying. Many will be saying moving Mom into your home from a nursing home is not a good idea.

Since your Mother-in-law has dementia, she might not understand that her husband had passed away. Please study up on Dementia. Scroll to the bottom of this page to the blue section and click on ALZHEIMER'S CARE... there will be many articles regarding the different phases of Dementia. This will not be easy. Both you and hubby will be overwhelmed and exhausted before you know it.
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She has vascular dementia, I'm home most days and can take care of her, I know her insurance will cover SOME in home health care, so that could help, he is having zero cooperation with his sister,I just know he wants his mom home, we are scared that when she finds out her husband has passed away that she will be gone soon after and we want her to be with family. I know that her social security takes care of the nursing home, but the other that would be coming from her husband's pension and insurance SHOULD be used for her to live like a queen for the rest of her days. She deserves to be with her son, she never wanted to go into a home, last week the sister thought it was a good idea for her to come home to us, now she is against it, I'm just not sure where to start to try to get her home with us.
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Crystal, if your husband's mother is living in a nursing home there has to be a valid reason that she needs a much higher level of care.

Are you and your husband capable of doing the work for 3 full-time caregivers per day? Usually in a nursing home, a patient has 10 people helping them per day.... doctor, nurses, aides, housekeeping, kitchen help, wait staff, maintenance people to fix things, the list goes on. Or would you be hiring help?

You would also have to remodel the house to make it into a mini-nursing home.  If mother-in-law is in a wheelchair, doors would need to be widen to allow the wheelchair to go through.

A hospital bed would be needed, maybe a portable toilet, the bathrooms would need to be made safe with grab bars and if MIL cannot get into the tub, then the tub needs a cut out or remodeled into a walk-in shower.  There are so many things to think about when bringing home an elder from a nursing home or even an Assisted Living facility.

Nursing homes are expensive, so I don't understand how your husband sister is wanting the money.... the money pays for the nursing home.

My Dad had around the clock help when he was living at home. It was a whopping $20k per month. Eventually he moved into senior living which help cut the cost by half, which included one short shift with his personal caregiver.
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