Mom has a live in caregiver and I want to move her in with me. What are my rights?

Follow
Share

My mom is 85 and has had the same caregiver for the past 18 years, they are friends. I have been caring for my mom during the day while he is at work as I work from my home, I don't like the way he treats me, he doesn't include me in moms things, and I feel he is threatened by our relationship. I have had run ins with him in the past, he is very argumentive and rude - but mom is so manipulated by what he says, that I am concerned I won't stand a chance of getting her. He gets paid by the state to care for her. I just want to know what rights do I have if any as her legal daughter even if he is the caregiver.

Any suggestions is appreciated
Antoinette

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
7

Answers

Show:
This is difficult to answer. Have you talked to your Mom about the way this man treats you? Have you asked her if she would like to come live with you? What does she say? It sounds to me like she considers herself to be "married" to him/in a relationship with him, other than just a caregiver/recipient relationship - is that true? The amount of time they have been together is going to pose a problem, and unless both you and your Mom feel that he is doing her more harm than good, I don't know that I would rock the boat. You don't say what your mother's needs are (does she have dementia, or just a lot of medical issues?) but unless you feel she is being abused by this man, emotionally or physically, then there is really not much you can do if she doesn't want to move in with you. If she IS being abused by him, then you need to contact her worker at IHSS (assuming that is the program your mom is on, since your profile says CA) and inform them of your concerns, but this doesn't sound like the case from what you've written. Talk to your Mom first, ask her what she wants, and let her know that you only want what is best for HER - she may be staying with this man out of a sense of commitment or maybe he doesn't have anywhere else to go, etc. Again, the ball is really in your Mom's court unless she is mentally incompetent and unable to make her own decisions. If you are concerned he is taking advantage of her financially, then you also need to address that with your Mom first. The next step then would be to gain POA's and take charge. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Nobody is condemning you. I think your original question needed to offer more info. Many of us who have had to give up our lives to be live-in-caregivers are use to being used and taken advantage of by our family members. I think the fact that you were asked questions about why all of a sudden you were willing to be her caregiver now is a justified one. Not all of the answers that you receive to your questions are always going to be what you want to hear but they are given with the best of intentions. Obviously you do not have to take anyone's advice or suggestions. I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to! :-)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It sounds to me more if you asking me to be rude, I will answer you I came to this site for advice not condemnation. My mother and her caregiver use to date, they lived together, as she grew older the relationship changed to this current. I have always wanted her to live with me, she has always been more for the men in her life not her kids, so she chooses them -
thank you
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Is your mum mentally stable? If so, shouldn't the decision be hers? If not, than she should have a POA in place. I'm curious as to why you are willing to be your mum's caregiver now but you weren't for the past 18 years?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

No POA - as for giving him notice, I don't have any problems with this, I have worked very hard at trying to make him feel as part of the family, accepting him and thanking him for the care he has given to my mom -
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you have POA then you have the legal "rights" to make decisions. If your mum is of sound mind than she should make her own decisions. It really doesn't matter if the caregiver doesn't like you, it's how he treats your mum that is important. If for whatever reason, the decision is made for your mum to live with you I think it is only fair that the caregiver be given adequate notice. He is the one who has looked after your mum for the past 18 years, I think he should be given at least a couple of months notice so he can find a place of his own etc.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

He has been caring for your Mom for 18 years?? Where have you been this whole time? Sounds like you may be threatened by their relationship more than the other way around. Why did she hire this caregiver to begin with so many years ago? Did you live near her at that time? Have you been close to your Mom all these years, or are you finally stepping up to the plate?

Do you have POA?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.