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We just want to be able to see him and make sure he is getting the best care and be included in his health care meetings.

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Since she is his caregiver, I'm assuming she has POA, MPOA, and is also his wife, which gives you zero rights. Try being nice to her, and she may let you see him. Don't even think you will be included in medical meetings (against HIPPA federal laws).
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Freqflyer, glad he is doing well.
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Rights? All rights belong to the wife, including healthcare decisions. If you visit, do so in the common areas where there are witnesses to anything you say or do. That will protect you from false accusations.
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JoAnn, you are so right about the "when your too old to take care of your spouse". My parents [90's] thought they could take care of each other, but in reality they were making it much worse for each other.

Now that my Mom had passed, rest her soul she tried, Dad is getting much better care and is finally gaining weight since he recently moved to a senior living center.
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In a marriage the spouse makes the decisions for his/her partner. A child has no say in the decision especially if the deciding parent has the medical power of attorney. I hope all of you are aware that as a spouse without the medical POA the doctors and nurses don't have to talk to you. Husbands and wives have the right to keep medical info to themselves.
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People on the outside don't really know what a caregiver goes thru on a daily basis. Did you visit so she could have some time to run errands or just have sometime to herself. Did you take him for a day? My Mom said they don't tell you when u marry the part about sickness and health, the sickness may come when your too old to take care of your spouse.
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You can certainly go visit, unless someone is actively preventing you. If you are not listed on the "need to know" forms, drs and nurses won't share much, if anything with you.

I'd work on the relationship with dad's wife. Likely she was exhausted and overwhelmed. How much care did you, yourself do to help when dad got sick? It's really easy to swoop in and say "This is how I want things" when you haven't been involved. I'm not trying to guilt you, but I am saying that this is a common dynamic.

Best of luck. This is a hard time for everyone involved. Don't be surprised if dad's wife is defensive about her decision.
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My partner removed his son and daughter in law from access to anything. In fact Hospice knew they were not allowed near him. We had an incident with them stealing and trying to hurt him physically and mentally. This is why the law protects patients from harm financially and physically and financially. I wont say it was smooth sailing when he passed as it wasnt. Aftet he passed, i had to take precautions. I will never understand why their had to be so much anomosity between kids and step parent. We choose our life partners, not our children.
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You are so right about getting all the legal things done while parents and yourself are competent. I have mine done and it is comforting to know my children will have no roadblocks.
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Many people don't realize the importance of taking care of legal papers as soon as there is the slight sign of dementia. Every thing must be legal & signed before a person cannot understand what they are signing. It's also important that it is well written which includes certain inclusions. Children get involved W your parents knowing this is done. Also never too early for you selves either.
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Shelly, I see from your profile that your Dad has Alzheimer's/Dementia and I bet it reached a point where Dad's wife was overwhelmed, exhausted, and just couldn't continue to be your Dad's caregiver. She did the right thing if that was the case.

What would you want different in your Dad's caregiving. Did you feel he went into a continuing care facility too early? How often did you get to visit with your Dad at his home prior to him being moved?

Everyone should work as a team, but if some family members are taking opposite views on your Dad's care compared to what is being recommended and agreed upon, then maybe only your Dad's wife should be there to make the decisions. Sometimes it is hard for everyone to be one the same page... that is normal.
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Being his daughter confers no particular "rights."

Any relative or friend can visit in a care center, unless there are reasons it is not in the resident's best interest -- such as always causing upsetting behavior.

Your father can authorize you to see some of his medical records, if he is still competent. If he hasn't authorized it, the staff cannot discuss his meds or diagnosis etc. with you.

As for the health care conferences, have you asked to be included? What was the response? Confidential material is discussed at these meetings so you probably need at least your father's consent. My sisters and I attend our mother's conference each quarter. If there is specific issue to discuss more than one of us will attend, otherwise we kind of take turns. I think my mother at one point said this was OK and maybe she signed something. Don't remember. If one of us asked to please restrict our mentally ill brother from attending the meeting I have no idea what would happen. It has never come up.

Being the daughter confers no special "rights" but if you visit a lot, in my experience it does build a cooperative bond with the staff.

You certainly have all the rights the public does -- such as visiting often and long, buying a meal to eat with Dad, etc. You don't automatically have the rights the general public doesn't have, such as access to confidential medical information.

See him? Yes! Attend his health care meetings? Maybe not.

What was your role in his life before he was placed "in a home"? What is the nature of your relationship with his wife? What kind of home is he in?

I certainly hope you can work this out to everyone's satisfaction, and in the best interests of your father.
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You can still visit him if you're not specifically banned. Are you and his wife not on good terms at the moment so that you cannot talk with her about what is going on with your father?
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