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She also told the Assisted Living that I am not allowed in his room nor can I take
Him out for dinner, etc. he calls me every day and wants me to visit and it's hard. There is no reason for these rules other than control. He also told me he had X-ray's yesterday but didn't know why (dementia) and the facility wouldn't tell me what happened. What can I do?

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There are two reasons why visitation is denied. Number one, the person was getting money "gifts" or "loans" from the resident. Number two, the person was disruptive or upsetting to the patient or facility staff. Now sort it out to the best of your memory.
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My sister is health care proxy for my Dad and she has serious control issues. My Dad has no problem with the rest of the family being updated with his health status, he actually prefers that we all know what is going on but my sister is being really weird about what information she passes along and she looses it if any one questions her. She also does everything she can to keep any of us from talking to his doctors, which is futile because only my dad can do that. At first I was angry and outraged then I realized that my anger was only making things harder for my Mom and Dad. It dawned on me that I really did not need the all the medical details I just needed to know the overall picture for Dads health. Somehow that makes it easier for me to let go. I'm not in any way condoning my sisters behavior or yours. I'm also not saying this is an easy thing for me to do but it is for the best I believe.

As for not being allowed to see your Dad I find that unacceptable, especially since he misses you. I agree you should talk to the facility and maybe his case manager.
Best of luck.
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Unfortunately, unless you have POA or are designated health care proxy; as far as I know; it is difficult to get around this. You mentioned there is no reason for these rules and control. How very sad for your father; especially if he is calling you. My mother had done this to me years ago when my father was in the hospital; but she had mental illness. This was not evident to outsiders and those at the hospital; so she could do what she wanted as she had POA. That was my experience, anyway. It was so difficult for me to deal with and there was no reason for not allowing me to visit him. My father and I were very close and she was jealous. Sad but true. Didn't like the attention to be off her. Don't understand what your sister's motives are in this situation. It's unfair to you and your father.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe if you just go over to the assisted living you would be able to visit. Beyond that, try calling Elder Services in the town and ask what suggestion they might have. Wishing you luck. Take care.
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