How do you decided when the time has come to put your mother in Assisted Living?

Well, how much help does she need? Can she cook and feed herself safely? Can she take pills the correct way herself? How about bathing? The list goes on and on as to what she can do by herself. You just need to step back and access the situation. I know it's hard to be logical and practical, when suddenly the emotions of your mom having to move out of her house and into asst living come in and mess it up. Try to stay focused on what's best for her.

Mom is 78. She has been in her motorized scooter full time for about 4 years now..she doesn't walk at all. She gets from the scooter to the toilet, from the scooter to her bed, and from the scooter to her recliner. She makes NO attempt whatsoever to walk, as she is scared to death of falling. I am SO worried she is going to fall and break a hip, just getting in and out of her scooter. She bathes on her own, on Saturday morning. Bathe, well...she washed her hair. That is about the extent of it. She was a built in seat in her shower, so she doesn't stand and clean all of her parts. If she has to "cook" herself, it's cheese/crackers or yogurt or something easy she can grab from the fridge, and maybe toss something in the micro. No standing involved mind you...she does it all from her scooter. (We curse ourselves now for letting her get it.) She lives home alone..We live right across the driveway from her. I work full time, plus have a hubby and daughter to take care of. My 3 boys are out on their own now. I have 5 siblings....which aren't close enough to be very much help. Seeing I am close, I have taken the major care of her. She has a little high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and takes shots to keep her blood sugar down, but nothing WAY out whack. She is severly overweight, and therefore....the scooter...I can't leave her alone if I need a vaca...I always need someone in house or very close to check on her and be there for her if she needs help. I worry about her constantly...my mind is SO pulled in so many directions.

Well, in asst living her meals will be taken care of, and you can have more help or less help depending on how much mom needs and how much money you want to spend. As far as worrying about her falling at home alone, my mother-in-law who lives in asst living fell in April and broke her hip while she was alone in her apartment, so obviously that can happen anywhere. I am personally so glad we put my m-i-l into assisted living. She has dementia/alz and is legally blind due to macular degeneration, so this was a no brainer for us. Why not do some shopping around for asst living that you think look good, and take the tour.

I guess my real problem is the guilt. The guilt I will have of putting her somewhere. I don't know if I could get over that. She doesn't hardly see anyone at her home..no friends come over for coffee or anything. She basically doesn't have any friends. Just her few younger neighbors (our friends) that stop in and say hi once in awhile. I just don't know how much longer of bending over backwards for her I can do, and not being enjoying my own family.

My mother-in-law never had any girlfriends, or friends at all once she got married to my father-in-law and they moved from Colorado to here in Oregon. In fact, she took much pride in telling me (#3 daughter-in-law) that she didn't need anyone except her family. Her boys and husband were all she needed. Well the boys are all 60+ yrs old now, and her husband is dead, so there she sat in her little house day in and day out with the curtains closed as per usual. She wasn't depressed exactly, just alone, which is what she SAID she liked (not true). I felt so bad for her, that I started taking her with me whenever I did errands etc. She became my 'traveling partner' sort of. Because of her inability to see well, coupled with her tripping and breaking her foot then later her hip, the doctors said she couldn't live alone anymore. My point is, she's the one that decided NOT to have friends. She's the one that decided to put ALL her eggs into one basket, with a job (which always came first) and then her family. Now in asst. living, she's the one that decides whether she wants to hold up in her apartment and watch TV all day and vegetate, OR actually go out of her room and visit with people. I still take her with me when I can, but it is such a relief to know she's not sitting in that little dark house all alone. THAT used to make me feel guilty, but it wasn't valid guilt. I hadn't done anything wrong. Do you get my drift?