How do you know your loved one is in the right facility for their level of dementia?

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My Mother has dementia and lived in an assisted living facility until her behaviors became too disruptive and they asked us to move her. We were told her behavior would make her unsuitable for a nursing home as well. She is currently in a facility with a dementia unit and that does not seem quite right for her since her behaviors are not all the time. The other residents are more advanced than my Mother and their behavior upsets my Mom. My sisters and I feel there is a gap between a nursing home facility and the dementia unit and are having a difficult time trying to find something appropriate. I receive phone calls almost daily from my Mother begging me to get her out of there, that she doesn’t want to die there.

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Maybe she needs to be moved to a different facility for Dementia. But understand, her Dementia WILL get worse as time goes on - so if this facility is the best you can find for her - I suggest you leave her there. Maybe it will help if she is visited more or taken out for lunch once in a while or play a board game when she is visited or something like that. My mother-in-law started out in an AL and we had to eventually move her move her into a Dementia facility. She too wasn't showing Dementia behaviors all the time at first. She didn't care for it either, and would tell us the other people in there were coo-coo. We'd just go along with it and tell her how sad it is and maybe she could be their friend or something because they were lost and lonely. She eventually lessened with the complaints and wanting to get out of there - partly because her Dementia got worse and partly because she felt okay around them now. It's really hard, but check with the staff regularly and they can tell you how they think she is getting along. Maybe she needs a little medication for anxiety - so check with her doctor and see if this would help her. I had to do this with my mother-in-law, because she would worry about something and everything - but a really mild anxiety med helped her a bunch. She could relax a little and wasn't always so uptight and scared anymore. Just a thought. But caregiving for your parents is really hard, especially knowing if you're doing the right thing. Everyone is different - so you and your sisters just have to do what you feel is right for her and yall to ensure her safety and keep your sanity. Just know we understand and are here for you. Good luck!!
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Sounds like you have answered your question already as you make a good case for your mom not being a good match for her current facility. If I were you, I would visit a number of skilled nursinf facilities to seek out a better match. My MIL with vascular dementia is in a small nursing home we found by visiting different places. I had wondered a couple of months ago if she would be better off in a dementia unit. She started requiring a great deal more care than the average resident at her current SNF. I did some checking into dementia units. Their residents tended to have specific reasons for being in a dementia unit that kept them from being qualified for typical SNF life. I realized that she was fine in her current SNF. She still talks and enjoys being around people on her good days.
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I'm wondering who told you that your mom would not be a good fit for a nursing home at this time. I also wonder if the reasoning was to avoid yet another move for your mom if she were to go into a nursing home only to need the dementia care wing in the near future thus alleviating the middle man (the nursing home) and going straight to the memory care unit.

My dad has been in a nursing home for 6 months and for the past 3 months or so has exhibited signs of dementia. I worried that the nursing home would approach us with wanting him to move to the memory care wing but they told us that since my dad is living his last days they don't think it would benefit him to upset his routine and move him to a memory care unit.

So I'm wondering if your mom's nursing home just tried to do what they thought would be easier on your mom by moving her to memory care instead of putting her in the main facility, letting her get comfortable and adjusted to the routine only to yank her out and put her in memory care in the near future afterall.
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