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After several falls, two brain bleeds, and a mini-stroke (resolved), my 78 y/o mother could not live in her home, alone, anymore. My husband and I, in our early 50's, had just been married a few months when my mother's health problems started, within weeks after the death of my oldest brother from cancer. My middle brother has never been dependable, living in his own fun world. So, after her second stay in Rehab after the mini-stroke, my husband and I moved her in with us by our first anniversary together. I had lived with my mother for several years before I met my husband, and she was driving, going places and walking with a cane, then. But, she immediately started treating me like the child who needed to be told how to do everything properly. She can be very manipulative, and complains about every ailment from head to toe, 24/7. People stopped calling her and visiting her because of this. When she moved in with us, all of that bad behavior came right along with her. She walks with a walker, and I assist her with her shower, meals, and medicines. I now take high blood pressure pills, nerve pills, and suffer from recurrent shingles and headaches. Most days, I feel like I'm in a dark tunnel with no way out. My husband has been very supportive, but, his patience is starting to wear thin. There is minimal family relief. My brother thinks coming over for a few hours every month or so to let my husband and I go eat out is enough time away from her. My deceased brother's wife, daughter and children came one time to try and visit with her while we went out, and, she informed them that it was not their job to come "granny-sit" her - it was MY job to take care of her. Of course, feelings were hurt, and, that was the end of that. I carried my mother to her attorney and we updated her Living Will and she made me her General POA. I went to one of the nursing homes here in town to check the admission process, and, one of the admission staff asked me some questions, and, then told me she didn't qualify. It seems that nursing home admission rules have changed as of lately, and, my mother was "too active" for nursing home. OK, next stop was Assisted Living. With my mother's monthly Social Security and V.A. Aid and Attendance, she still comes up short for living expenses per month. We talked, and she actually agreed to this! We will have to sell her house and put the money in her bank account to spend on her while she is in Assisted Living. Do we seem to be on the right track here? I'm afraid I'm going to have a stroke, nervous breakdown, divorce, or all of the above if we don't get her out of here. I tried to keep her with me, but, the people who promised to help either don't come through as promised or got their feelings hurt. There's no adult daycare within 50 miles of here, and, the only Respite Care within 50 miles requires at least a weekend's stay at a cost of $205/day semi-private room and $255/day for a private room. Our weekend away money is spent, right there, eh? Thanks for letting me vent, and, I appreciate any help.

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Also, realize that just because mom would live in an assisted living doesn't mean she isn't going to fall. You are on the right path. Mom's condition is only going to get worse, not better. Get your ducks in a row now.
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Thanks, Eyerishlass. That was what I was asking. I think I really needed to just vent a bit in that somewhat around-the-world way of asking that question. I do appreciate your response.
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I'm not sure what you're asking but it sounds like your mom is a perfect candidate for assisted living. That she wants to go is a huge bonus! You get your life back, you'll find your way out of that dark tunnel....it's a win/win for everyone.
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