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I know someone just posted on this, but I can't find the thread on this site. So, here is much the same question as the one from the person from the other day: What is the first step I need to take in revoking my Durable Power of Attorney duties? I would like a non-sibling to take over (preferably a non-family member, period). My mother has not been declared incompetent, but she obviously is in stages of dementia. She has just a matter of months left. Hospice visits weekly. My brother lives with her (she moved from my home back to hers two weeks ago), and cares for her, supposedly. He refuses to give me an accounting of his expeditures, other than to say it's for groceries and medicines for our mom. He has withdrawn an average of $100 per day from Mom's ATM ($1500 to date). She took out an $11k loan for him - in secret - so he could get out of debt, a couple days after she moved back home. When Mom lived here, her medicines cost maybe $200 a month. Hospice has added some, but I will have to call them to find out what they cost. She is covered by Medicare and a supplemental insurance as well. Mom has her checking account set up so the bank automatically kicks in money from her home equity account if the checking one gets low. She feels that my sister and I are gossiping and spreading lies about our brother. That is why I don't want to make any power plays towards him - my mother will do battle with me to defend my brother. I don't want him to have POA either. He is a walking disaster in every way (doesn't work, lives on Social Security and disability, loses keys, phones, is on some powerful meds himself, but is the biggest and most selfish baby in the world. He's 65.) So now that I have described this situation as best I can, can someone please advise me as to how to get out from under being POA without allowing it to go to my brother. Our mom is sure to try for that if I let her know my plan, as he is the eldest and my sister would not want this job any more than I do. Do I contact the attorney who originally wrote it up? Of course, I would also notify my mom just prior to doing that. Thanks to all who post on this subject - I wish you well.

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Okay, thank you for your posts. This does help, and I appreciate your sentiments, "Norestforweary". Take special care.
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The reason I haven't moved her money out is because she was having a conniption - and still is - about the fact that I had set up a separate account under her name at all. I pay her bills from it. She wants it closed out and all her money moved back to her bank in her home town, where she had it previously set up with auto-pay and auto-deposits. She resents that I'm interfering at all in her banking. If I take away the ATM card without my mom's consent, I would be breaking the law. I can tell you that she would absolutely not give her consent to that or any other thing I would do with her money. I have stalled her about closing out this account from which I pay her bills. I'd been attempting to keep just a small amount in her other bank so that my brother would only be able to overdraw her account - and believe me, he would. But if I change the set-up with the bank so they don't cover overdrafts with home equity deposits, my mom will probably declare all-out war with me. She doesn't want to let go of her control. Unless she has been declared incompetent, I have to do as she wishes, legally. There is no alternate named in the POA document. Can someone advise me as to the first step in revoking the POA - do I contact the same lawyer that drew it up, or do I contact an elder attorney. I would prefer doing this in a way that won't cost a bundle. Thank you ~
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You can give up the POA role, but you cannot determine who gets it. If mother has never been declared incompetent she can assign it to your brother. That doesn't sound like what you want, but it would not be up to you.
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Wow! You should be totally fed up. As POA you are responsible to "guard" your mother's assets. I feel your mother has created the monster herself by enabling your brother. Since you are POA, you have authority to get access to her bank statements. Your loser brother is receiving funds which may disqualify him for disability or services he is receiving from government. The only way you can stop this is to report him to your local office of aging and report he is exploiting the elderly. I hear your frustration. My husband has wanted to throw in the towel due to the stress of being POA. Hang in there. You can also have a lawyer send him a letter to stop exploiting his mother.
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To my knowledge, you can't give up this responsbility except to the alternate named in the POA documents. Beyond that your Mom would need to sign a new authority and it seems she may not qualify as being competent. If you are POA why does your brother have access to your mom's accounts? Move all of the money to a new account that you as POA have access to. Your brother should be submitting bills to account for the withdrawals. Get that ATM card away from both of them!
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