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My life has been a living h*ll on Earth since 2010. My brother, age 56, had a massive heart attack & died right in front of my parents end of 2009. I live an hour away & was supposed to be down with them that day, but had to wait on my husband & his work. Mom already had Dementia (saw signs in 2006), so it cushioned her grief some, but my Dad went off the deep end


Mom handled ALL their affairs for 60+ yrs …Dad had NO clue how to even pay a bill, where their money & important documents were ... nothing. So I helped him , even to plan my brother's entire funeral. I even had some people they saw daily or weekly, tell me they had been worried about both of my parents as far back as 2004. I knew I needed to get Guardianship so Dad's hoarder sister could not just come & take what she could talk him out of, but I didn't have money for the expensive attorneys ($5000-7000 upfront!).


Dad had been already showing aggressive behavior towards me for several years. I could do NOTHING right...I clld him 'The Red Hulk' w/fierce temper & verbal abuse...not like him at all.


By the end of 2010 I started getting calls from ppl wanting to know what was wrong with him, for he was telling all who would listen that I was trying to take over their lives & take all their money ... ALL knowing that was NOT ME at all ... this cut a hole in my heart. I started calling my 2 maternal aunts & one uncle, even Dad's horrid sister also, to please, please help me with him, but most of the family was afraid of Dad & his wrath all their life & they didn't want him mad at them also, plus high fear of his not letting them see my Mom, their sister.


April 2012, after a long 3 yr wait, I finally got my Disability & 3 yrs back pay, so I could afford the attorneys....but made BIG mistake of telling the Aunts & Uncle I no longer needed their 'no help'. Within a week, my Uncle & my brother's dgtr (niece) became MY Dad’s POAs BEHIND MY BACK, but it got back to me within days. I was hurt & devastated, family doesn't do this to family, NOT MY close knit family. I knew, but no one would believe me, my Uncle also had Dementia like Mom...I was right again & he had to resign his POA, leaving now the last 3 yrs this niece who is spoiled & ignorant, raised 16 yrs by my parents, more than her own parents, hadn't a clue about the world, never lived away from home, nothing about income taxes, banking, bills .. she was 24 going on 12 then, now 28 still going on 12. Dad was very partial to her, but wouldn't see she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, thought she was cute, innocent, quiet ....then she got PG out of wedlock, he was hurt, but didn't disown her (like he would have me). She has now been TOTALLY in charge of his affairs since 2013, convinced my Dad & his attorneys I am a bad dgtr & he hates me!! Couldn’t see or admit he was sick with Alzheimer's at all.


Now Dad passed on April 23 2016, buried yesterday. He was a WWII Navy Vet, so had honor guard of 2, taps, flag on coffin....and they presented his flag to my niece....NOT ME....the last hurt, the last slap, the last straw!! I see now she totally snowed him over and determined to take all away from me…. NOT what my parents wanted at all!!!


I am a strong, determined person, but with the Privacy Act/Elderly & Family Laws, I, the good, mature dgtr of age 67, have 2 college degrees, a 38 yr highly success Corporate career, lived a full life of responsibilities, took care of my parents for 16 yrs w/o anyone's help ... but now have had my hands handcuffed behind my back....unable to fight any of this!! I have NO clue if he disinherited me....I know absolutely nothing. It has been the worst nightmare ever.


After my bro died in 2009, they changed their wills where ALL was to go to me, house, possessions, everything & they were setting up a trust fund for niece to get when she was age 38. This obviously all changed by my Dad in 2012. Mom’s Dementia was so bad by then, she had NO clue what she was signing … one signature is NOT even hers … and couldn’t have stopped a thing!!! Mom passed away Sept 2014, Dad’s attorney sent me papers to sign over all in Mom’s will to Dad, I wouldn’t sign for months, then was FORCED by the judge to sign them. Don’t know, but sure niece schmoozed Dad and has ended up with ALL. She has even sold my parents’ house & taken or sold all their possessions … all of which were supposed to be MINE. HOW could my Dad have changed all that Mom and he did in 2010 like this?


IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN REVOKE ALL OF THIS THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE 2012?? PLEASE TELL ME I HAVE RIGHTS still as his only blood heir. Or, let me know to just give it all up … and get on with life.


In Aug 2015 I retained an attorney, to salvage what I could … but who ended up more interested in schmoozing the Magistrate judge to appoint him a judgeship than in me; met with my Dad’s attorneys, then after doing NOTHING for me, resigned from me and kept all my retainer!! I just gave up.

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Even though your question is based mainly on being upset about money and some family drama I would suggest that you also go get some counseling to help you deal with the pain and the loss in your family. Really only a lawyer can help you on the money part. I hope you can understand that your dad was very ill and that he loved you very much. POA has nothing to do with who is the better person. You did your best to care for your parents and some day that kindness will come to you in return.
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Sorry that you've had this very upsetting experience. Any children must be mentioned in a parents ' Will, even if no assets are given to that child. The naming in the Will means you must also be notified when a will is filed w/ the Court. I would find a good elder lawyer who will do proper due diligence to try to protect your rights as a child, even if Dad changed his will. If he appointed Niece as executor, you must still be notified. You should have a good basis to protest Will if it disinherited you. Biggest challenge is finding an ethical lawyer who will carefully review the situation.
I also concur with others that it is too late to change the bad behavior of the past, but if you want to proceed, find out your rights as a biological child and try some relief that way. If you cannot find a sympathetic lawyer, you may have to let it go. Many unknowns, just reading your letter. Good luck getting some professional help.
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Jeanne, I had a similar experience. Although my mom had filled out a form titled "Respect My Wishes", which outlined her choices for end of life care, her assisted living facility required that someone have medical POA for her. My financial POA mentioned medical decisions, but the AL wanted their form. I questioned whether mom was competent to sign the medical POA, but the legal person and the notary both said that as long as they believed that she understood what she was signing, her signature would stand.
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wintersun, it is a common misunderstanding that someone with dementia cannot assign a POA or make/change a will. "Dementia" covers a huge range of cognitive skills and behaviors. The key is whether the person understands what he or she is signing.

When I sought legal help at the beginning of my husband's dementia, I warned the lawyer that he had good days and bad days and was currently experiencing paranoia. He might tell her I was stealing from him and he wouldn't sign anything. She said that was OK, if he was having a bad day she would simply try again another time. Well, he happened to be having a good day the first try. Yay! The lawyer had him explain what the POAs meant. He said, "It means Jeanne can make decisions for me if I can't do it myself." They went over the provisions of the will. Now, he may not have been able to tell some one the next day what he had signed, but at the time he demonstrated that he knew what he was doing.

Just having a diagnosis of dementia doesn't mean you lose your rights to control your own POA and will process. It depends on whether you are "competent" to understand what you are doing at the time you are doing it.
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Would there be any conflict of interest if a family member is a legal notary for a parents POA?
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I'm sorry for your loss. No matter the circumstances, it's hard to lose your parent. Also sorry that you've endured a difficult family situation. I hope you'll make the decision to let it go and move on with life in a positive direction. Anger and bitterness over what's happened will only hurt you, while others go on happily. Best wishes in the days ahead.
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POA is done. I think you just need to move on.
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sorry for your experience. you did however indicate you had 2 degrees and a highly corporate career. why even bother at this point. I would say, let your niece have it all........because she will probably squander it all and then have nothing so it will be her loss. I don't want to sound mean, but is it worth all the stress to worry about it now? I would just tell the niece "hey good luck" and walk away. She will end up with nothing shortly anyhow since she has no concept of how to handle things. Not sure what your disability is, but I wouldn't let the stress make you feel worse. wishing you luck...........
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Sounds like a mess but to be honest you should have not engaged in all this drama and just got a good elder attorney when you got your disability and got all the paperwork done. You had several years before your father died to get an attorney and get him to sign a POA and make a will. You said your's was a close family but then no one would help you, everyone was afraid of your father and no one told you that they were concerned for your parents for years before you noticed anything was wrong. Given how badly you talked about everyone of your relatives, doesn't sound real close to me. I think you are angry because now you realize that the niece has taken over the estate when you thought you could just wait it out and collect. Sorry but sometimes you snooze you lose. I would play nice at this point, call your niece or your dad's lawyer and ask for a copy of the will just so you know what it said. You may also want to ask your niece if you could have some personal possessions of your parents that are sentimental. If everything is sold, there is not much you can do now but try to accept that you waited too long and what's done is done. You might also be dealing with some guilt over not taking care of them as you feel you should have and some anger at your father for choosing the niece over you. That is also something you need to forgive him and yourself for. Sometimes we make bad decisions and we have to live with them and more on.
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I am sorry for your loss. Now, time to move on and let go of all that toxic negativity in your past. Begin anew!
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I'm sorry to hear this. However, nothing can be done to revoke the POA because as everyone learns sometime, POA ends when someone dies. What you can do now is check with the probate court to see if your dad left a will and see if you can find out what it says. You may be able to contest the will through a lawyer. What you're describing is exactly why I always recommend going for guardianship because guardianship gives you all control over every aspect of a person's life. Had he still been living, you could've gone for guardianship to overturn the POA. When someone has dementia they're incompetent to make major decisions, and it sounds like he was incompetent when he changed the POA on his own. I hope you all paperwork and proof of records of your correspondence with a lawyer you were working with because it sounds to me like something fishy happened with that lawyer if they pocketed your money and did nothing for you. I hope the next lawyer can help you straighten out this mess and get your money back.
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I didn't think someone with dementia could appoint a POA.
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POA does not make them heirs. You being the daughter still have those rights. Poa is void after death. My deepest condolences. Please keep us posted
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It's sad when a good daughter is punished. Life isn't fair. I am surprised that you did not see this coming. If the niece was a fair person, she would give you a small share just to be fair, since your father was clearly not in his right mind and I'm sure she knows it. However, money makes people do strange things. Unless you can prove that he was not in his right mind when he wrote his will, the will will stick. Try to go on with your life knowing that you are free. Parents aren't always fair and some have personal favorites. The only money you own for certain is your own, so be glad you have two college degrees and can earn your own money. Sorry about your situation. It is tough and I know it hurts more because it is family. Nobody can hurt you as deeply as family can.
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Sounds like you have made assumptions as the closest blood relative. I can tell you I am leaving 90% of my assets to charity and my closest relatives are angry too. It is my money and I have felt this way for years. Everyone is correct over th POA assignment, it is not relevant. The will is. People don't change wills quickly, so maybe your dad wanted to change it. Frankly you sound controlling and too interested in assets. Not attractive characteristics. I disinherited several family members just for that. It also doesn't sound like you love your dad.
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My sincere condolences on your recent loss. And even more so on your long-term loss that was been going on for years. Dementia robs people of their cognitive abilities and sometimes changes their personality. I am so very sorry that your Dad had irrational ideas about your role in his life.

I can understand why you feel hurt, betrayed, and unjustly treated. And I am sorry about that for you.

But the claim that Dad "went behind your back" in assigning a POA raises red flags for me. Parents are not ever accountable to their children for decisions they make about their own care, their own affairs, their own finances. He had no obligation to consult you are even to tell you. I am very sorry if his decision was made under the influence of his dementia, and if it was made with undue influence from family that was geographically closer to him than you were, that may have been quite unjust. (And maybe you could have done something about that at the time.)

I don't know what you can do now. Who was POA is irrelevant now. Undue influence over the will might be something you can pursue, but an attorney would have to see some personal benefit to handling such a case. What was the value of the entire estate?

Dementia is a terrible, horrid, and heartbreaking disease. I am so sorry your life has been impacted by your parents' final illnesses.
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Pat, first sorry to read that your Dad had passed last Saturday, and was buried yesterday. I noticed this is your first time on the forum, is that correct? How did you find this forum?

What you describe is quite complex, with this relative and that relative... who has Power of Attorney and when it was changed, etc. You lived an hour away, and it sounded like your late brother was caring for your parents. Is that correct? Who took full time care of your parents after your brother had passed?

From what your wrote it sounded like your Dad had Alzheimer's which can start 15 to 20 years prior, thus the reason for how he was doing things. I am surprised an Attorney allowed your Dad to reassign the Power of Attorney to someone else, like his brother's daughter.

Please note that most couples will assign their worthy goods over to each other in death. Curious why your parents didn't do that. The way the Will was written, the surviving spouse would have nothing.

Who was the Executor of your Dad's estate? That person is the only one who can sell the house and the possessions inside, or the possession given to whomever names were in your Dad's Will.
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Let me be blunt: I think the issue of power and inheritance and family friction are clouding your judgment. I have the impression that you felt that as the daughter you had certain inherent rights to manage your father's affairs as well as inherit the assets. I can't help thinking that the miscarriage of justice which you feel occurred is a lot more important in your perception than it really is.

And this doesn't make any sense at all:

"Dad’s attorney sent me papers to sign over all in Mom’s will to Dad, I wouldn’t sign for months, then was FORCED by the judge to sign them." There must be more to this situation - I find it hard to believe that a judge would force an heir to relinquish her inheritance. Did you file a grievance against the attorney and the judge?

I honestly think all the family friction is water over the dam; I don't know and can't tell whether your grievances justify the angst they've created, but I don't think you'll find peace in your life after losing your parents if you continue to feel abused by their decisions.

You may have had certain rights as an heir, but your parents also had the right to make decisions on disposition of their assets. You'd have to prove that either they were subject to undue influence, weren't competent to make their own decisions, and probably address other issues that would be hard to prove.

Overall, the questions I would ask of you are:

1. Why do you want to, or feel that you need to, do this?

2. Besides assets, what is there to be gained by continuing the friction, challenging the will, perhaps wasting money on attorneys who probably aren't going to be sympathetic unless they feel you have a valid case?

3. Really, what ARE you trying to accomplish?



sign over all in Mom’s will to Dad, I wouldn’t sign for months, then was FORCED by the judge to sign them.
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Once someone dies the POA becomes null and void. Your niece having POA over your dad when he was alive has nothing to do with where things stand now.

So you think that your dad left everything to your niece? If he did the reason is irrelevant at this point since it happened 7 years ago.

You don't have the power to revoke the will. You would have to get an estate attorney and contest the will.
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