My Alzheimer's Dad went behind my back and assigned an uncle and niece as his POA's. Can I revoke this?

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My life has been a living h*ll on Earth since 2010. My brother, age 56, had a massive heart attack & died right in front of my parents end of 2009. I live an hour away & was supposed to be down with them that day, but had to wait on my husband & his work. Mom already had Dementia (saw signs in 2006), so it cushioned her grief some, but my Dad went off the deep end


Mom handled ALL their affairs for 60+ yrs …Dad had NO clue how to even pay a bill, where their money & important documents were ... nothing. So I helped him , even to plan my brother's entire funeral. I even had some people they saw daily or weekly, tell me they had been worried about both of my parents as far back as 2004. I knew I needed to get Guardianship so Dad's hoarder sister could not just come & take what she could talk him out of, but I didn't have money for the expensive attorneys ($5000-7000 upfront!).


Dad had been already showing aggressive behavior towards me for several years. I could do NOTHING right...I clld him 'The Red Hulk' w/fierce temper & verbal abuse...not like him at all.


By the end of 2010 I started getting calls from ppl wanting to know what was wrong with him, for he was telling all who would listen that I was trying to take over their lives & take all their money ... ALL knowing that was NOT ME at all ... this cut a hole in my heart. I started calling my 2 maternal aunts & one uncle, even Dad's horrid sister also, to please, please help me with him, but most of the family was afraid of Dad & his wrath all their life & they didn't want him mad at them also, plus high fear of his not letting them see my Mom, their sister.


April 2012, after a long 3 yr wait, I finally got my Disability & 3 yrs back pay, so I could afford the attorneys....but made BIG mistake of telling the Aunts & Uncle I no longer needed their 'no help'. Within a week, my Uncle & my brother's dgtr (niece) became MY Dad’s POAs BEHIND MY BACK, but it got back to me within days. I was hurt & devastated, family doesn't do this to family, NOT MY close knit family. I knew, but no one would believe me, my Uncle also had Dementia like Mom...I was right again & he had to resign his POA, leaving now the last 3 yrs this niece who is spoiled & ignorant, raised 16 yrs by my parents, more than her own parents, hadn't a clue about the world, never lived away from home, nothing about income taxes, banking, bills .. she was 24 going on 12 then, now 28 still going on 12. Dad was very partial to her, but wouldn't see she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, thought she was cute, innocent, quiet ....then she got PG out of wedlock, he was hurt, but didn't disown her (like he would have me). She has now been TOTALLY in charge of his affairs since 2013, convinced my Dad & his attorneys I am a bad dgtr & he hates me!! Couldn’t see or admit he was sick with Alzheimer's at all.


Now Dad passed on April 23 2016, buried yesterday. He was a WWII Navy Vet, so had honor guard of 2, taps, flag on coffin....and they presented his flag to my niece....NOT ME....the last hurt, the last slap, the last straw!! I see now she totally snowed him over and determined to take all away from me…. NOT what my parents wanted at all!!!


I am a strong, determined person, but with the Privacy Act/Elderly & Family Laws, I, the good, mature dgtr of age 67, have 2 college degrees, a 38 yr highly success Corporate career, lived a full life of responsibilities, took care of my parents for 16 yrs w/o anyone's help ... but now have had my hands handcuffed behind my back....unable to fight any of this!! I have NO clue if he disinherited me....I know absolutely nothing. It has been the worst nightmare ever.


After my bro died in 2009, they changed their wills where ALL was to go to me, house, possessions, everything & they were setting up a trust fund for niece to get when she was age 38. This obviously all changed by my Dad in 2012. Mom’s Dementia was so bad by then, she had NO clue what she was signing … one signature is NOT even hers … and couldn’t have stopped a thing!!! Mom passed away Sept 2014, Dad’s attorney sent me papers to sign over all in Mom’s will to Dad, I wouldn’t sign for months, then was FORCED by the judge to sign them. Don’t know, but sure niece schmoozed Dad and has ended up with ALL. She has even sold my parents’ house & taken or sold all their possessions … all of which were supposed to be MINE. HOW could my Dad have changed all that Mom and he did in 2010 like this?


IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN REVOKE ALL OF THIS THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE 2012?? PLEASE TELL ME I HAVE RIGHTS still as his only blood heir. Or, let me know to just give it all up … and get on with life.


In Aug 2015 I retained an attorney, to salvage what I could … but who ended up more interested in schmoozing the Magistrate judge to appoint him a judgeship than in me; met with my Dad’s attorneys, then after doing NOTHING for me, resigned from me and kept all my retainer!! I just gave up.

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Even though your question is based mainly on being upset about money and some family drama I would suggest that you also go get some counseling to help you deal with the pain and the loss in your family. Really only a lawyer can help you on the money part. I hope you can understand that your dad was very ill and that he loved you very much. POA has nothing to do with who is the better person. You did your best to care for your parents and some day that kindness will come to you in return.
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Sorry that you've had this very upsetting experience. Any children must be mentioned in a parents ' Will, even if no assets are given to that child. The naming in the Will means you must also be notified when a will is filed w/ the Court. I would find a good elder lawyer who will do proper due diligence to try to protect your rights as a child, even if Dad changed his will. If he appointed Niece as executor, you must still be notified. You should have a good basis to protest Will if it disinherited you. Biggest challenge is finding an ethical lawyer who will carefully review the situation.
I also concur with others that it is too late to change the bad behavior of the past, but if you want to proceed, find out your rights as a biological child and try some relief that way. If you cannot find a sympathetic lawyer, you may have to let it go. Many unknowns, just reading your letter. Good luck getting some professional help.
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Jeanne, I had a similar experience. Although my mom had filled out a form titled "Respect My Wishes", which outlined her choices for end of life care, her assisted living facility required that someone have medical POA for her. My financial POA mentioned medical decisions, but the AL wanted their form. I questioned whether mom was competent to sign the medical POA, but the legal person and the notary both said that as long as they believed that she understood what she was signing, her signature would stand.
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wintersun, it is a common misunderstanding that someone with dementia cannot assign a POA or make/change a will. "Dementia" covers a huge range of cognitive skills and behaviors. The key is whether the person understands what he or she is signing.

When I sought legal help at the beginning of my husband's dementia, I warned the lawyer that he had good days and bad days and was currently experiencing paranoia. He might tell her I was stealing from him and he wouldn't sign anything. She said that was OK, if he was having a bad day she would simply try again another time. Well, he happened to be having a good day the first try. Yay! The lawyer had him explain what the POAs meant. He said, "It means Jeanne can make decisions for me if I can't do it myself." They went over the provisions of the will. Now, he may not have been able to tell some one the next day what he had signed, but at the time he demonstrated that he knew what he was doing.

Just having a diagnosis of dementia doesn't mean you lose your rights to control your own POA and will process. It depends on whether you are "competent" to understand what you are doing at the time you are doing it.
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Would there be any conflict of interest if a family member is a legal notary for a parents POA?
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I'm sorry for your loss. No matter the circumstances, it's hard to lose your parent. Also sorry that you've endured a difficult family situation. I hope you'll make the decision to let it go and move on with life in a positive direction. Anger and bitterness over what's happened will only hurt you, while others go on happily. Best wishes in the days ahead.
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POA is done. I think you just need to move on.
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sorry for your experience. you did however indicate you had 2 degrees and a highly corporate career. why even bother at this point. I would say, let your niece have it all........because she will probably squander it all and then have nothing so it will be her loss. I don't want to sound mean, but is it worth all the stress to worry about it now? I would just tell the niece "hey good luck" and walk away. She will end up with nothing shortly anyhow since she has no concept of how to handle things. Not sure what your disability is, but I wouldn't let the stress make you feel worse. wishing you luck...........
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Sounds like a mess but to be honest you should have not engaged in all this drama and just got a good elder attorney when you got your disability and got all the paperwork done. You had several years before your father died to get an attorney and get him to sign a POA and make a will. You said your's was a close family but then no one would help you, everyone was afraid of your father and no one told you that they were concerned for your parents for years before you noticed anything was wrong. Given how badly you talked about everyone of your relatives, doesn't sound real close to me. I think you are angry because now you realize that the niece has taken over the estate when you thought you could just wait it out and collect. Sorry but sometimes you snooze you lose. I would play nice at this point, call your niece or your dad's lawyer and ask for a copy of the will just so you know what it said. You may also want to ask your niece if you could have some personal possessions of your parents that are sentimental. If everything is sold, there is not much you can do now but try to accept that you waited too long and what's done is done. You might also be dealing with some guilt over not taking care of them as you feel you should have and some anger at your father for choosing the niece over you. That is also something you need to forgive him and yourself for. Sometimes we make bad decisions and we have to live with them and more on.
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I am sorry for your loss. Now, time to move on and let go of all that toxic negativity in your past. Begin anew!
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