How can I revoke being my dad's POA? - AgingCare.com

How can I revoke being my dad's POA?

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I can't handle the stress. I saw a post on this site from 5 years ago that resonated but I just need to vent. My mother passed away a year ago and since she passed I have spent the last year of my life cleaning up my dad's messes due to his impaired judgement. His bank account was cleaned out by one of my siblings, he was hospitalized, he has a vacant house that is falling apart and doesn't care, and on top of it, just found out he was diagnosed with dementia. I have no support in our family. I have 3 siblings and my dad has multiple siblings, all of which think there is nothing wrong (they aren't around to see), or they are only interested in taking his money. I am not biologically connected to him and did not grow up with him my whole life so our relationship is more business like. I thought at first I could handle this but it's clear my so called family doesn't care and I want to scream when they offer their "suggestions"; all from people who have no clue of what I've been dealing with. I am 34 years old. I am grieving my mom and wanted to go back to school and this is consuming my life. My dad listed one of my siblings as an alternate POA and they don't want it either. My head tells me to get out but my heart says to be compassionate and be there for him. I have been alone my whole life with no family support but this is a major thing to be alone with. I just don't think I can do it. Like I said I just needed to vent.

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Yes, give it up; even when a caretaker really loves the person, it's very hard to do, especially with the "all talk and no action" response from the relatives. My mom has a team of her doctor, weekly RN, and social worker who run her health care. Her pain meds make her somewhat forgetful; if it gets worse, I will talk to her social worker about guardianship - not me, she would only argue with me over everything. It can be done without you, and you are far too young to spend years with the stress and aggravation of caregiving. God bless you for trying!
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I don't know if you can afford this but we hired an Aging Care Specialist. She is not the POA but she is the point person for all the actions approved by the POA. She keeps in touch with the doctors, goes to some of the appointments, lines up the caretakers, handles all the advice from the uninvolved siblings...it's worth every penny....if you can afford it. We are not wealthy but we are able to do this.

My husband still has final decision making authority and she can't do anything with the money...except advise my husband. We interviewed three agencies and got very lucky with the one we chose as she interacts very well with my sometimes difficult FIL. I know this isn't the answer for everyone but it's been a godsend for us. Took a major part of the pressure away. If your dad has some income, as POA, you can authorize paying for their services through his accounts. Good luck!
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Being a caregiver is certainly no small feat. I applaud you for at least giving it a go. I'm 36 and going through this stage in life with my biological father and just doing the best I can. Some states like California offer affordable assistance in adult day care programs or home health services. As for the siblings, ignore them if you can for now. Your mental health is of utmost importance. Per the age old adage, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
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Thanks BarbBrooklyn
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I think it's entirely possible and even worthwhile to resign your POA.

You have no ability to influence your father's behavior. He sounds like a totally non compliant person.

Resign your POA, call the local Adult Protective Services unit and report that he is a vulnerable adult in need to supervision and support. And that there has been financial abuse by family.
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