My 82 yr old husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I have cared for him for the past 7 years. I placed him in memory care 3 months ago. He has never asked to come home, but he holds me tight and tells me how much he misses me all the time. He calls me and asked when I’m coming to see him. We have been together 24/7 since retiring 22 years ago. I can feel his pain of being separated. I am told he is high functioning mid late stage. He is very confused at times but still completes tasks like emptying the dishwasher, making the bed, dressing and showering. Sometimes there is bladder and bowel incontinence. I brought him home for what I called a two week vacation to ease his longing and sadness. This was also a dry run for me to see if I have rested enough to care for him again. If I should decide to return him to Memory Care, how is the best way to handle it? Theee months ago I was having health problems due to caregiving. I told him the doctor asked if he could stay somewhere else so that I could rest and regain my health. He said I will do anything for you. When I asked him how long he was there, he said about a week. So he has no concept of time. I feel stronger. I think I could handle it. My children are very concerned that I will get sick again. I don’t know what to do. And I don’t know what to say to him if I decide to return him to memory care. Suggestions are appreciated. Thank you.
IMO bringing him home was not a rational decision, you did this to make yourself feel better.
Please do the right thing for the both of you, return him to memory care, do not visit him everyday, let him readjust to his forever home.
I wish you the best.
To me it sounds like it was more to ease your longing and sadness, as from what you say your husband had adjusted quite well to his new home.
People with dementia do much better with a routine and the fact that you took your husband out of his routine at the facility and now has him with a new routine at home is very confusing to him.
You have to now do what is best for both of you. You know that your husband will only continue to get worse, and will more than likely need to be placed again anyway so why not get him placed again now where he will get to know the folks at the facility and settle in to his new routine there, where you can get back to just being his loving wife and advocate and not his burned out and sick caregiver?
And once placed, PLEASE do not take him home for any kind of visits as all that does is confuse him.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through this, but don't forget that you matter too in this equation.
God bless you.
I think you should listen to your children’s concerns . The caregiving in general will get harder again at home .