How can I retire from being my relative's "cruise director"? - AgingCare.com

How can I retire from being my relative's "cruise director"?

Follow
Share

She had a network of friends and activities before moving in with me. Now she refuses to go anywhere but complains about just staying home and sitting and watching tv. I really don't have time to be a full time social director and to be the running buddy...since I have regular family responsibilities. I have taken her to 2 senior centers and her church where she doesn't want to be involved in anything even though when she lived on her own she was very involved. Our park district has a marvelous senior group that goes out a lot. It's been almost 2 years and still she resists any involvement in outside social anything. I've definitely cut back to one errand day a week with her and often one other day to go out to a restaurant each week. And that is pushing it for me. I absolutely cannot let her tag along all the time because she gets on the nerves of everyone. She is able to get out and there is transportation, but she won't go. So how can I encourage her to get out and about or is this just a lost cause and I should just detach from the complaining.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
15

Answers

Show:
addiewrain55, your aunt might need an anti-depressent which might help with her body oder as well. I gather the intrusiveness into your family's end of the house is still going on and your mother's health is still wearing heavy on your mind. I don't see how you are handling all of of this without doing some detaching or maybe your aunt needs to go to a nursing home for that sounds like what you are basically running in your own home.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

DT, unfortunately, my Grandmother has been asked to come to church and she refuses. My Grandfather is physically incapable of going and she refuses to go without him, and then tells him it is his fault that she cannot go. This results in my Grandfather saying he would rather just stop the dialysis and die. It's very sad.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

addiewrain - Nothing about it is easy - I have become sort of resigned and have tried to learn from my mistakes. More than that, I have learned to respect myself and not be absorbed by what I do. Ricky Nelson - 'You know, Ya can't please everyone so ya got to please yourself'.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

We gather laurels when we can. We can only hope someone in the future will be as thoughtful.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you all for your insights and ideas. I have to think about all this now and try to figure something out.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

DK, I love the microwave bacon and so does mother. I usually try to take a little extra of what I am cooking to share with her buddies. She has the same homegrown tomato in her drawer for the last 2 weeks. YUM-YUM She is waiting for the rest of the ingredients for that sandwich. During the winter months, I stop by a fast food restaurant and pick up enough biscuits, gravy, and hot coffee to feed her and three of her friends. The guy at the pick-up window thinks I have a very hearty appetite. On those occasions, I get the best daughter award!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

debbicakes - several years ago when mom retired from her job when she was in her 60's, she was driving both dad and me crazy (and I did not even live near her in those days - shadows of things to come...?) so I happened to stop by her old job and talked to her old boss, the owner of the small company, and asked him if they liked my mother's work. He responded very enthusiasticly to the affermative, to which I replied "Do you want her back?". He laughed, but noodled it around for a few days and then called her and asked if she would like to come back to work on a part time basis. Long and short of it is that she went back and worked nearly another 10 years. As we age (I am shortly to become 69), we like to feel we are important to Someone! I still stand behind my earlier suggestion that if someone were to approch her old church member friends and have them Ask her to come back, if she is able (which my mom is not anymore) I would hope for you that she would make the effort. She may just be unsure of her place in the world now. It could not hurt, anyway.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It might be fun for her, I could suggest you pack a little picnic basket with a cutting board for the tomato and for assembly and assemble the sandwich before her eyes! That way the bread won't get soggy. Does she like it toasted or not? Plain may be easier. Fry the bacon at work (I like mine very crisp, very dark brown, thank you...) then whisk it all over to the home. Have you had any luck with microwave bacon? It may be easier to make if the nursing home has a microwave for residents to use. Do not be surprised if you have a half-dozen old folks hoovering around (it does break your heart, doesn't it? She may find herself the most popular resident around...!) When Mom stays in the hospital for something, I take fresh-brewed coffee up in the morning for her in a little thermos I have, and a donut or a crossant (sp) or something. Later I may take her a chicken sandwich or something - hospital food and coffee reeks!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Addi, I completely understand! My Grandmother does this same thing. It all boils down to this...she is able to do the things she wants to do. She will do them, or she won't. My Grandmother loves church also and won't go anymore, but then complains because she doesn't go...and I'm just thinking...why complain if you refuse to go when you CAN go? And it's all just very illogical so there is no point in worrying about it. Leave it up to her. If she decides to do something, good for her, if not, block out the complaining. Some things I have learned, I have no control over.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks Dt,
I spoke to my boss and she suggested that I bring the ingredients to work and make the BLT here and take it to her when I leave in the afternoon around 5:30 or 6:00. Thanks boss lady for understanding my situation. We are fortunate to have a kitchen and I don't know why I didn't ask permission to do this before. Problem solved!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions