Am I responsible for my mother-in-law who cannot take care of herself?

Cameo, they are bullying you at the hospital. Simply say NO and refuse to take her home. They cannot throw her out in the street, they will find an opening in short order. Ask for the hospital Ombudsman, call the health department or file a complaint with the Joint Commission. The discharge coordinator at the hospital has to help her find safe harbor.

You are not personally responsible from a financial standpoint. Neither are you or hubby slaves who must care for her. If she has money, you must spent it on her care. If you've transferred her money in your own names within the last five years, you must give it back. If she's gifted you any money in the last five years, back it goes.

Consult an elder law attorney immediately. Certainly, if she is on Medicare, she has nursing home days...90??? That gives you time. Use that time to get answers from an expert.

You are under no obligation to care for her. The hospital, however, is legally obligated to make sure she is released to a safe environment. You should let the social worker know that she lives alone with no one to care for her, that her funds are very limited (as your post seems to indicate), and that she needs medicaid. The social worker will have to take it from there. If she qualifies medically, and can no longer live at home, they will find a nursing home to take her, combative and all. This is common and nursing homes know how to handle it. that being said, if you allow them to do this, they will send her to the first available bed and you may not be happy with the facility. I would say that now is the time to do some research. As another posted said, the first 200 days (365 beginning in 2016) are covered by medicare, so you have some time. Wait...I just re-read your post. So here's my answer: after she is released from "rehab," the nursing home will have had a chance to evaluate her and they will probably know she can no longer live alone. If you like the facility, ask that she be transferred to long term care. Most nursing homes have short term and long term facilities under one roof. When it becomes clear that the patient cannot return home, they transfer them to long term. In NY, this evaluation is recorded on a form called a PRI. Other states might do it differently. On the PRI, the nurse will make a recommendation, either long term care, or short term rehab, or help/supervision at home. That form carries a lot of weight. Here's the other scenario, if the rehab makes the determination that she is not medically eligible for long term care at that facility, you talk to the social worker. Explain the she is indigent and has no one to care for her at home. They will arrange for in-home care and help with the medicaid application.

I'm very surprised the case workers are throwing the responsibility back at you. At the hospital, this is their job...basically their only job. You could ask to speak to a social work supervisor, or a patient advocate.

Ask for/Demand a geriatric psychiatric evaluation while she is in the hospital. You are not, in no way responsible for her care UNLESS you are her guardian. If the hospital is telling you that you MUST care for her, tell them that you would be happy for the hospital to seek emergency guardianship.

And yes, consult an eldercare attorney. Imho, geriatric psychiatrist worth their weight in gold.

One bit of advice. The next time she is in the hospital, have her released to a rehab facility that is also a nursing home (assuming that that is the level of care she needs, not assisted living or memory care). The discharge planners in the hospitals my mom has been in were RNS and really knew their stuff. Tell them that she can no longer be cared for at home the minute she gets admitted.

If you go to the Elder Care bar at the top, you will find resources for finding NHS in your area.

If you said "no, there is no one to care for her at her home" and if you didn't show up to pick her up, they would be obligated to keep her or find her placement . At least that's how it works here. You have to say "no" and mean it.

I'm in Alabama. My elderly Aunt (90) was living with my Mother who had her own health issues (72). My Aunt fell and cracked her pelvis. 3 days in the hospital and they are telling her she is going home. Now, keep in mind she was UNABLE TO WALK...not showering, using bedpan, not potty, not getting out of bed at all! I stepped up and said NO. I had to raise my voice, I had to pitch a fit, I had to explain I wasn't married and had to work to take care of myself so couldn't take care of her. That my Mom wasn't physically able to take care of her and we were all she had. That my Aunt had no one that could take care of her. And I screamed AND SHE CAN'T WALK. I know typically you get more flies with honey, not vinegar but it seemed that was all they heard....me pitching a fit. As it happened that particular hospital had a rehab unit on their 11th floor so they transferred her up there. Because I was so vocal and assertive and said NO, she stayed there, getting the physical therapy she needed, for 3 weeks. Hope you can make everything work out. Don't let them bully you!

I appreciate all the responses and information shared. My mother in law has all the appropriate medical benefits for a low income senior. Medicare and Medical along with SCAN. The case manager is working on placing her to a skilled care facility, but it appears there is a shortage of long term care facilities available. We have been told numerous times that it is our responsibility to locate a facility for her. This is what happened when she was released from the rehab center last month. We could not find a place for her so they made us take her back to her apartment. We will not let this happen again. Hoping someone can provide information that can be useful when communicating with the case manager on our inability to care for my mother in law. Again thanks for all your support and guidance in this matter.

It is NOT your responsibility to find placement. The hospital has the best chance of finding placement. The first bed that becomes available, the person in the hospital becomes first in line for it. The hospital wants her out because she is taking up a bed and it is costing them money. Just business.

Timbuktu is correct. Just tell the hospital you are unable to care for her and unable to find placement. Rinse and repeat as often as necessary.

I agree. The hospital knows where the nursing facilities are. Those facilities also contact hospitals to tell them a bed is opened. Here where I live most NH have rehab. If u can find one and if she can get into rehab have her evaluated and she can be transferred to the nursing section. Social Services job is to help you. There is no law that says you must care for a parent. Combative is not good. Its hard enough to deal with an easy one like my Mom but a combative one will drain you.