Response to a friend who claims she would never put her mom in a “home.” Any advice?

A true friend supports, sustains, and listens without judgment.

Hmmm,
Well one thing I wouldn't do is abandon this friendship. Friendships are ever- changing. Sometimes people say stupid, insensitive things especially people who are very comfortable with each other. It's ok to look at things from a different angle. You still get to do what works for you.

My wife (of 60 years now) was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in late 2013 after experiencing declining memory since 2001. Our son-in-law had encouraged us to get long term care insurance. It has turned out to be good advice. We have qualified my wife for coverage. It provides enough to give us three hours of caregiver care from an agency (ComfortKeepers) three afternoons each week, likely for the rest of her life. Her condition keeps deteriorating but her basic needs are met as well as some of mine. I manage medications.

She still plays hymns, having been church pianist for over thirty five years. She relinquished her driver’s license when we moved near our daughter’s family in 2014.

Buck up. With help this can be managed. My feeling about that changes from time to time but realistically we are doing well.

Just tell her "we'll see..."

It's easy for your friend to say what she wouldn't do when she hasn't been presented with the need for her mother to be cared for consistently and continually. I would just say to her "Yes, I love my mother enough to make sure she has the BEST care even if it's not with me. It would be pretty selfish to do otherwise."