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mother calls me a liar and a cheat. Says I am just waiting for her to die. Says I spend all her money. I moved here from Virginia to take care of her. I don't have access to her money.

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Dementia is there, Panda, it's just that doctors won't use that word. Time for a serious brain image and analysis. Maybe some happy meds, like Celexa, or what ever is appropriate when they figure out what type she has.
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I heard all that, too. You blow it off. Walk away. You tell them that you're tired of them acting like assholes and then you walk away. Whatever works. Meds didn't seem to help my mom either, sometimes. After a certain point, the elderly really don't know what they're saying anymore so getting angry is pointless, but that doesn't mean you don't get pissed off anyway. At times like that it's best to simply go and do something else awhile, away from the parent. I'd go and sit by the lake with a hot cup of tea for half hour if someone else was home. Those little bits of time here and there are life savers. You can't physically stop the elderly from speaking and saying whatever it is they're going to say, but you aren't required to stand around getting verbally battered 24/7 either. Grab those little bits of time for yourself and run away for a little while.


And what Ba8alou said, too. It might be time to start thinking about some kind of alternate arrangement for your mom, at least part time. You'll both benefit. Everyone is a better care giver if they can grab at least some time to relax and unwind and do something, anything, that they find pleasurable. Care givers need to know, and be reminded, that there really is more to life than just another day to dread inside 4 walls..... Even just sitting in the sun for half hour can be a god send.
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No diagnosis of dementia. On her next visit to the doctor I will ask for testing. She is on meds for depression and anxiety now. Med doesn't help much. I'm trying not to let my feelings get hurt but don't really know how to respond to the hateful remarks and accusations.
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Does your mother have a diagnosis of Dementia? These accusations are common in people with this diagnosis. Do you accompany to her doctor visits? Is she on meds for depression and anxiety? Might she do better in adult day care, an assisted living facility or somewhere so that you are not the person always in her crosshairs? So sorry that you are bearing this burden.
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