My mom recently moved to a nice AL facility and is in memory care. Every time I go see her, she is angry about some terrible thing they are or are not doing. She uses all the wrong words, so it is hard to figure out what she is saying, but when we do, it is not something terrible. It is just different, or she is confused. She is always angry about the horrible food, but it is not horrible. Just not exactly what she wants at every meal. She does not understand that they are feeding a lot of people who like different foods from her. She thinks it is terrible that they give her her meds with a plastic water cup with lines on it. She is angry if they put something on her nightstand, like a bottle of water. She says she hates the toothbrush there and can't use it, but doesn't understand it is the same one she had at home. She says the phone and TV never work, but she no longer understands how to use them. She doesn't understand when she is told we are going to have the doctor come see her that he doesn't come right away. She complains over and over about a thing that happened one time, weeks ago, and has never happened since. If something wasn't done that day, she says it has never been done. She wants me to have her cremated and put next to my Dad's ashes, but is angry that I am not taking care of that right away. She actually wants me to kill her and doesn't understand why I can't. She has no concept of the difference between something bad and something unfamiliar or not what she wants at that moment.
I know you are not supposed to try to convince an Alzheimer's patient where they are confused, but I am naturally not a patient person, and her constant spewing of anger and dominating demeanor just gets me so angry I can't help myself. Today, when we tried to explain that the words she was saying we're not making sense, so it was very hard to figure out how to help her, she threw my husband and I out. She was so ugly. How do you deal with this? Distract her, like a kid having a tantrum? Any advice is welcome.