How do you respond to a woman (92) in AL who has increasing dementia and keeps saying "I have no purpose in life anymore"?

Sometimes, this comes with a great deal of anger that she is now not the center of attention in her world nor in control as she once was and, no matter what you do, nothing will make this better. It is one of the cruelties of old age.

In defense of your friend...I do not have dementia and live in my home. BUT....7 yrs ago my son passed away. He had been my primary focus for the 10 yrs before that due to his brain disease. My daughter was married (did everything with her husband) and pregnant (now has a 2, 6 & 7 yr old). Anyhow, my point is, for the first time in my life No One Needed Me. My realization was that I could disappear and no ones life would be changed in any noticeable way. In an ALF everything is done for you:meals prepared, clothes laundered, room cleaned. You aren't doing things for other people. You aren't preparing lunch for your friends, planting flowers for the neighbors and yourself to admire, etc. It was a very difficult time for me emotionally and I was on anti-depressants. So what is her purpose in life? She needs something to make her feel useful. I like the coupons, stuffing bears, those type of activities where you are doing something to make a difference in someone else's life, someone who will need or appreciate what you've done. I am fortunate to work as an LPN twice a week and try to make my residents feel important, this gives me a sense of purpose too. I also am fortunate to be a major fixture in my grandchildrens lives (my greatest satisfaction). I hope your friend can find her purpose no matter how small or simplistic it is.

You can assure her that she has made her impact upon society, and this is
the time to be content with herself. If she has been badly hurt, quiet and meditation or prayer are best. Letting go of things that are no longer important
is a way of letting go of her 'ego' and finding inner peace. Self importance no longer play a part for her, and as she finds inner peace, some of it may come back. It sounds like she has a lot to let go of. Just be gentle and loving and acknowledge that she may be right. If she is depressed, you may want to express concern to her doctor, but in fact this can be essential in ongoing spiritual discovery. Don't worry. Tell her about something meaningful for you.

I agree with graceterry that you risk being drawn in to her drama. If she doesn't want to participate, that is her choice, and for your sake...consider letting the matter rest there.

If she is bored or not interested in the activities at the ALF, consider a day outing: A museum, an art gallery, a restaurant, just shopping at the mall or an outing to a park. It could be she's feeling cooped up due to her limited mobility while she was healing. maybe you could get her interested in what you like to do or find something new to have in common. Maybe take up an exercise like Yoga. They have classes for the elderly. I also highly recommend pet therapy. If her depressed mood continues, make sure the caregivers at the facility know; it could be she needs a change in her meds.

I don't have an answer, but I have the same question...my 90 year old keeps saying that she is useless and does not know how to use technology, doesn't understand much news, etc. and has no intention of even trying. How can anyone force someone to feel worth living. Her memory, both long term and short term, are slipping. I just bought her two jumbled word books for some challenging things for her brain. (She used to do them.) What else will.
Of help?

Regarding outside activities, she has declined so many offers from church members that most have given up. The general consensus of those who know her best is the (1) she refuses to accept the current reality of her life and (2) she still wants to be the queen bee, where people come to her. She said she wants to dance, drive, and have parties in her room, but doesn't want the parties to be potluck, but rather food she prepares herself (adding, "But that would be too expensive."). She complains that all the activities at the ALF are too simple minded or not challenging or not interesting to her -- always some reason. She, with a breathing issue and mobility issues, complains that the chair exercise class isn't challenging.
As I have mentioned before, I cannot involve myself with her medical care.
Also, the ALF is not interested in talking to non-family members about her. I very gently tried to speak with a staff member about getting her involved in actitivities there, and I was "blown off."
I think that something she said when she was about 90 years old and recovering from a serious illness gives great insight into her personality, and she said this several months before her family placed her in the ALF. "I want to get back to where I was when I was at 55, busy with all sorts of activities in and out of my home, going to parties, and I want to do it all from 7 AM till 10 PM without a nap!"

InWyoo, how about notifying her family she feels this way?

I understand your frustration when you see this person whom you care about give up.

You know I'm just 47 and yet I feel like I should be able to do the things I did when I was 25. I can only imagine what a 90 yo must be feeling: trapped in a body that is betraying them mentally and physically; not able to do the things they used to love doing. It is such a reality check when you realize you can't do those things anymore.
There is only so much you can do to help so don't feel bad about it. One thing you might be able to do is throw her a surprise party. It doesn't have to be a huge affair- maybe a few friends from church, a cake and some punch? It sounds to me like she needs to feel needed and right now she feels isolated, trapped. There are no easy answers when the person you're trying to help doesn't want to cooperate. Ultimately it must be up to them.