I hope this is the right place to post this. My MIL lives just about 50 feet from us. She's never had a sense of boundaries even before the dementia set in. We grew tired of her always being in our business, dropping in whenever she felt like it, trying to take over our kids, walking in uninvited, etc. So my dh finally set some boundaries. One thing she still is doing, that he has told her more than once to stop, is she'll call every time he's off work asking if he's sick. He's a grown man and feels that she is treating him like a child. She did this a couple of days ago when he took off for a dr appointment. We didn't answer the phone. But that night when I brought her medicine to her, she felt the need to ask me. I brushed off the question. The next night she asked again. I told her he's a grown man, if he's sick I'm more than capable of taking care of him and if we need help we'll ask.
She tried to justify it saying that one day I'll understand when my kids are grown that they're never too old for you to worry, etc. I told her my mother doesn't do that, she knows if something's seriously wrong we'll let her know. In other words she treats me like an adult and she has ever since I became an adult. She said we live right by her so she sees that he goes to work every day and when he doesn't she wants to know what's going on. I get that she's still his mother no matter how old he is but he is a grown man. A married grown man. Being his mother does not give her a free pass to be in our business. I'm not very good at dealing with things like this on the spot. How should I have dealt with it? Should dh have another talk with her about respecting us as adults and respecting our boundaries? Her dementia is not so bad that she doesn't understand what she's doing. This is nothing new. We've had to enforce boundaries before but now it's a bit trickier since she needs help with things now like her medicine, her money, and she can't drive anymore. Before we could just avoid contact. Now what?