Mom had a stroke 2 years ago and was diagnosed then with full blown vascular and LBD. She lived with my sister who was just 60 and passed 3 days after mom went into the hospital from a blood clot.
After cremating my sister, cleaning out their rental home and belongings, grieving my only sister, mom came to live with myself and husband. It’s been 2 years of unrelenting care, money concerns and navigating a very difficult system (LOL, what system). We are at the end of my rope. I now have a HHA that comes at 6am, mom’s always been an early riser, takes her to memory camp from 9-3 where I pick her up. This assistance has only been for 2 months now and although it’s helped I’m exhausted and so is my husband who works 7am-7pm in NYC. He then comes home exhausted, we’re in our late 60s, helps by giving mom pm meds and dinner. I’ve had 2 unsuccessful back surgeries and every ounce of energy he and I have goes to mom. My marriage seems like it’s on hold and we need DESPERATELY need to get away. The stress of the past 2 years is killing us both and we cannot find affordable respite care on Long Island. My husband was planning to retire January 2018 and we were packed and ready to go to Florida when mom had stroke and beloved sister passed. We are so depressed, exhausted and frustrated trying to do the right thing. My husband is still working, we are paying for a house in Florida, renting in NY, and can’t seem to get out of here. My mom is 91 now and never set anything up for her golden years, just a small savings and social security that barely keep her in diapers and high cost medications. She can’t sign her name anymore so a passport or enhanced driver’s license means she can’t even fly by plane since January 2020. Our system has no tolerance or help for those that really need it seems. We just need some time to regroup. I’ve hired an elder attorney in Florida but can’t get out of NY. Retirement now reset for August, his 70th birthday. Any respite suggestions for now?