I booked a cruise two years ago for my family and myself. Since then I have taken in my grandmother, she is a vicious woman. I have a dilemma, do I put her in a nursing home and pay $2800 for a week? I know the care at this facility is the best in the community and she will choose to be miserable anyplace she goes. I actually have her on the waiting list for this facility for fulltime care. Or do I spend $1400, keep her in my home and hire a nursing agency to provide the nursing care she requires. Yes, some of this is about money, as many of you well know from experience. I took a huge paycut. My mother gives us enough to support my grandmother and spends the rest on whatever strikes her fancy. I hate to cancel on my family and I know a lot of you are probably thinking, if you can't afford it you should not have booked it. At the time we were doing well with a nice savings but caring for this woman is draining us dry, emotionally and financially. I am open to any advice and would like to thank you in advance. I really hope I do not sound cruel, if I may. We had booked this cruise 6 years prior and my husband found out he has ulcerative colitis. One year after his 28th surgery we decided our family had worked through life saved the money and needed a break. Now we are poor, depressed and torn about how to care for her, cancel, in home or Nh. Thank you

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I'd suggest homecare -- with your mother as point of contact if anything goes wrong.
Several reasons for this;
Half the cost
Less disruptive to your Grandmother
(who knows -- she may really enjoy being the one "in charge" of a stranger)
Less chance of disease -- even the best-run facilities have residents returning from the hospital with MRSA, c.difficile, & all other kinds of nasty little bugs that you DON'T have at home
Odd question -- is your GRANDMOTHER'S money that your mother is spending, or her OWN money that she isn't giving you?
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You could see if the nursing home you talked about has a day program, and then you can supplement that with a good home care agency. Most states have what is called respite care where your loved one would go into a facility for up to 5 days, and then they would go back home after that. As far as the cruise goes, go and give yourself time to rejuvenate (when you on the cruise try to let things go at home). When you get back home you will feel much more able to handle what will be coming your way (you should never let yourself be in a position that you say to yourself "I wish" or "I should have spent more time with..."). Spend time with your grandma while you have the chance, as we all know time goes by way too fast. I hope this helps and gives you some encouragement.
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{{{{Baumgark}}}} I agree with the others. Please DON'T cancel!!!

There is nothing cruel about the desire to move forward with your cruise plans.

As far as Gramma's care while you're away, the nursing home may be the best for you and for her simply because you'll all have less worries about whether care will be available at all times.

Her funds should pay for her respite care if she has funds available.

I know that arranging for respite care isn't easy...but it's so worth it and NEEDED! For your own sake, put any guilt that you have about going on the cruise aside and go enjoy yourselves. :)
Helpful Answer (2)

Go on the cruise, you deserve it! Respite care should be paid by your grandmother, not you. Is there a less expensive facility? I found prices vary greatly where I live. You need to have a life too, Have fun!
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You and your family need time together. I hope you take the trip and I completely agree with Jeannegibbs that the respite care should come out of your GMa's funds. Who is handling her funds? I think it would be appropriate to ask your mom to help cover the costs of NH care for respite. It might also be perfectly ok to put your Gma in a less expensive NH for the time you are gone. Bumgart, put you and your family first for a change. Don't keep waiting for tomorrow. Love and Hugs to you.
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Go on the cruise.

Respite care should come out of Grandma's funds. Is that possible? If your mother is managing your grandma's funds for her care, respite care is part of that. Caring for this woman should not be draining you dry financially if she has funds. She should be paying her own way.

The NH is the better option, unless other family is available to oversee the agency.
Helpful Answer (4)

Think you should go on the cruise with your family - you worked hard to save for it and need to do something relaxing and fun with your family. You don't sound cruel at all - so don't even think that. You have to do what is best for all concerned. And the cruise would bring you back refreshed and rested.

It might be easier to have your grandmother stay in your home and have the nursing agency take care of her needs. But, from past experience sometimes the nursing agencies are not able to provide care if a worker calls out sick, etc. This happened to my elderly aunt and it was very difficult to find someone else to fill in. The nursing home is an option that would give her quality care as you already know they are the best in the community. Plus, would give you peace of mind. Of course, the downside to this is how well she would adjust to a new environment. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about something that would be so good for you and your family. You deserve it. Take care.
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