I have respite all planned. Two weeks in Florida. Why do I feel so guilty and want to cancel?

Here4her: I read your profile and it sounds like you have had some serious health issues while taking care of your mom. I think sometimes we get so tired as care givers that the idea of leaving home and taking a vacation is overwhelming. It can feel like just another job, especially when your husband is the one that wants it most. Then you feel like you are obligated to do it for him and, again, you find yourself in a position where you feel like you are having to provide for someone else's needs. You are worried about you mom, you are worried about your daughter and now you have to take this vacation because you don't want to disappoint your husband.

I think sometimes we lose touch with ourselves. We get consumed in caring for others and it's just easier to continue on that road and keep giving. After 8 years of care giving, you may not even remember what it was like to be free.

My dad has passed away, but when he was living with us (after a major stroke) we would sometimes just take a 3 day break and put him in respite care. We didn't have to leave town to feel like we were on vacation. Just being home alone was such a gift and we were right here in town if my dad had a problem, which I might add he never did.

Since we have not heard from you for a while, I am hoping you got away with your husband and will check back with us to let us know how everyone coped. I am hoping you and hubby had a wonderful time and that you were able to relax and enjoy yourself.

In the future, please try to take a few days a month for your self and your family. You don't have to leave town and you may find a new energy in your life.

Hope to hear back from you. Cattails

GO. Your mother will be fine. Your daughter will be fine. YOU need to take care of yourself and your husband, you should NOT feel guilty for taking a much-needed vacation. Let your mother know you will think about her everyday when you are gone. You said yourself she is set up in a nice place for respite care - if it helps ease your mind, go and talk to the nurses or the social worker at the facility about your plans and your reservations about leaving her...i'm sure you are not the only person who has ever felt this way. DO NOT CANCEL that vacation - you need to put yourself and your husband first once in awhile...don't feel guilty about that!

I feel for you, I just recently got married, and felt so guilty going on a honeymoon, had help thank God from a Brother living close by, but it still feels like you are abandoning them, but know you are more help to them rested and physically and mentally able to care for them

Here4her, you have spent 8 years caring for your mother. I commend you for being able to do this and still have such love for your mother (why else are you worrying about her?) You are not abandoning her to be on her own. You found a very nice place that will do their best to take care of her while you are away. It's time to put aside this 2 weeks for yourself and for your husband. When you had married, you became as One. Your husband has been very supportive of you caring for your mom all these year. Now, he needs your full attention - for just 2 weeks (compared to 8 years - 2 weeks is sooooo little.) Please take a Deep Breath, acknowledge that you have done your best for your mom, and it is now time to concentrate on you and hubby.

Your daughter is a grown woman. She can always go to the clinic or hospital for any medical situation that pops up.

Guilty feelings? We all have that. That is part of being a Caring Caregiver! Please look into your heart and mind and reason with BOTH that you need to go on this trip for yourself and husband. Acknowledge that you will have the guilt but.... Here4her, your husband needs you now. When you married him, you became One with him in God's eyes. Okay? HUGS!!!

I know how you feel. I am so used to doing things myself, I am concerned that someone else won't do them right. Or that my absence will cause too much stress. There is something else that I have to overcome. I can be so emotionally worn that all I really want to do is nothing! Sometimes I feel that the best respite for me would be for someone to take my mother to Florida for a week and just let me goof off.

Enjoy yourself in Florida. Travel light and just have fun. Your daughter and mother are just a phone call away. Your mother is in competent hands. Let her know you'll bring her back a surprise. She'll have something to look forward to when you return.

8 years has been a long time, take these 2 weeks and re-charge yourself. When you come back, refreshed, alive, smiling - in much better spirits which will improve your outlook. Your mom will feel your joy & smile with you. Yes, it will be stressful with you not at her side, but 2 weeks will go by quickly. The reunion will be such a happy one on your return.

It's my mom that I'm worried about. Leaving her when she is so dependent on me being by her side her 24/7. Afraid she won't be the same when I get back because of the stress it will put on her.

If you stayed home, what would you be doing? Watching your daughter, and waiting to call 911 if something happens? Your mom is going to be fine, your daughter is a grown woman who can call 911 herself, so she'll be fine. Go with your poor husband who you already said needs this away time badly. Have fun and be glad that you even have the ability to get away in the first place. Seize the moment while you can. Life is short.