Do I respect my grandpa's wishes and be hated by all family or not?

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He wants me to be poa and everything be between me and him. we lost grandma 11/12.my mo is poa and is trying to keep all his money . amendment says its for the survivors healthcare. and liveing in the standard which used to. ive tried to get paid and cant because he has medicare tricare. ive been caring for them for 7-8 yrs from across the alley but moved in befor she passed to care for him... he doesnt want me out of his sight . he has dementia. his dr said he can change his poa. shits gonna get real ugly with my mom. she's ill and i dont want to upset her. but im so screwed no matter what i do. my grandma offered me poa and to be on the bank acct. i thought mom would be fair. but she tried to get the 70,000 out of the bank right after she passed. for herself and my aunt. my grandma got 17,000 bucks when her son died in vieatnam. and with interest it 55,000 now. i need to be paid for caring for my gpa. i cnmat pay the bills the next month... my car is in my gpas name. i keep telling her we need to put that car on the trust somehow. cuz i no they will just tell the bank to take it. i've been paying for it. since jan of last yr. so i will be left with out a car. they are all so dirty. my mom offered me 5,000 of her money after hes gone. im so lost cuz my aunt hates me and has for along time. now shes real ugly and tells my cousins to stay away from me...the house was going to my aunt and mom and gpas son. he passed last yr. he put on the deed request for the others to sign their part to me. so my aunt really hates me now. he wants me to have everything.. but gma's wishes need to be respected too. no one comes to see him. it breaks my heart....they are all well off and taken care of . im the only one in the family that has been here for them and givin up my life for them... my gma bought me the house across the alley now i own half of this one. im just worried sick about how im going to even function after hes gone...i no i cant go get a job im too messed up over all this . i just filed for disability. im by polor. and adhd. post tramatic stress disorder... and just scared to death. to get paid mom said get a lawyer. shes not complying with the amendment. isnt that illeagal. i told her she'd have to pay someone else if i got a job. but she knows i wont leave him.. hed freak out. without me. im so confused..

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If your grandpa currently has dementia, he may not be able to change anything. You should talk to your mom and aunt about hiring a paid caretaker for him. I know he doesn't want it and you don't want it. But you need to get yourself into a better financial position ASAP. Your current position leaves you extremely vulnerable. You need to find a job, a place to live and some transportation.

You may find paid work as a caretaker to another elderly person. Maybe your mother and aunt will understand that the care you provide to your grandfather is not "free". You are sacrificing the chance to earn a salary by providing this care. I know this is easier to say than to do. But when your grandpa passes on, you are going to be out of a place to live, a car and you'll have no income. I'm sure your grandpa wants better for you than that.
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I agree that you need to see an elder care attorney. Your situation is very complex with lots of moving parts that only a good attorney can figure out and advise on. Good luck!!
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If your grandfather has needed a POA up to this point, he can't just change it to you if it is because of mental problems. You would have to go to court and be appointed guardian. If it is due to physical disability and he is intact mentally, he can sign a new POA form appointing you.
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It's so confusing - for me. The best thing to do is find a good "elder law attorney". This lawyer is very familiar when it comes to what you just described. The lawyer's payment should come out of gma's money - since this is for her and her protection. Mention all you have said here to the lawyer. Remember, the lawyer's Primary Concern will be for gma. Whatever you do, do not show a weakness. The lawyer will most likely want to talk to gma alone, while you're in the waiting room. This is to confirm that she's doing this on her own and without coercion from you. If she does mention that you have all those ailments, are you able to show that you have it under control and how long you've been doing it?
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