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I am my dad's guardian and continue to struggle with Dad's negative behaviors in MC (urinating everywhere but the toilet, agitation when staff tries to re-direct, swearing, spitting, constant pacing, refusing showers, not sleeping, we have had zero luck with multiple meds). Our ombudsman mentioned I don't have as many resources available because he is private pay versus family care/medicaid - we are in WI. I feel like the facility is under staffed and they don't have time to pay attention to someone that is still mobile and not content to sit in one place or has the attention span to participate in activities. I asked if we could try to get him qualified for hospice, based on dementia diagnosis, incontinence, and behaviors. Hoping this would help provide one more person to advocate and help him stay in the community. I relocated my father last May due to poor care and the other facility requiring one on one care. New Facility has threatened a 30 day notice based on damages because of urination and "safety". We are having our 2nd care plan meeting in 30 days and I requested our ombudsman join to advocate for my dad. I am trying my best to cooperate with the facility and show them I am open to helping how I can. I've changed his health care provider at the facility's recommendation and now switched back because that provider would not write a PA for meds. I have had to shower him on multiple occasions to help him and the staff, but I am not an expert and if I could have him at home I would. This is all extremely stressful and I cannot keep going through this every 6 mos. I'm open to any and all suggestions...

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We have been told he does not qualify for SNF because he has no other cares than daily needs due to dementia. He is physically healthy. But he needs assistance with all daily activities and medication management. There are no "geriatric psychiatrists" near us - I have asked for a referral. He has seen a psychiatrist, dementia care specialist, and he is on protective placement through the state. APS placed him on protective placement 3 years ago after a lengthy court process where I was appointed guardian of person and estate, and he must be in a locked CBRF - they do yearly reviews.
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Slartibartfast Jan 26, 2026
It sounds like your only option then is to medicate for his behavior. It may not feel great to you but when he can’t be helped any other way and is in danger of losing his placement I think you have to try. Remember it can’t be any fun for him to feel so upset either. Medication can really be a kindness.
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Dad needs a geriatric psychiatric evaluation to determine what meds he needs to be on. If that means he's sent to the hospital for such an evaluation and not released until he's stabilized, then so be it. I'm very surprised the MC has not suggested...or insisted on this.

Best of luck to you.
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Without him getting the proper meds in the proper dosage to address his behaviors, I don't think much will change. Based on your description he doesn't seem a candidate for hospice or LTC since he doesn't need dailly medical attention, nonetheless you can have him assessed for LTC but don't get your hopes up.

Put all your energies in getting him on the meds that have some impact regardless of what hasn't worked in the past... it's the only answer to his behavioral problems. At this point even an elephant tranquilizer might be merciful. I'm not saying that lightly since I understand how much you are suffering as you are going through this.

But I don't understand this:

"Our ombudsman mentioned I don't have as many resources available because he is private pay versus family care/medicaid..."

If he has the money, then he has resources to pay for doctors, Geriatric Care Manager, medication... am I missing something? How would he be better off on Medicaid right now? He probably wouldn't qualify medically anyway since he seems to need MC level of care.

More clarification would be helpful to give you the best guidance.
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lealonnie1 Jan 26, 2026
I believe residents on Medicaid cannot just be evicted for bad behavior. The state won't allow it. Versus private pay residents can be evicted for any reason, basically.
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Hospice is end of life. Doctor determines if person has 6 months to live. Dementia alone may not fit Hospice criteria. They, also, are not there to care for Dad. Maybe an aide 2x a week for bathing and a Nurse 1x a week to check in. In between its still up to staff to care for him.

I think what you need is Longterm care. MCs are not equipped to have someone watch him 24/7. He will spend down what he has and then apply for Medicaid. You will get him into LTC a lot easier if you can pay privately for any length of time.
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