My mother officially entered a nursing home in late January. What resources are out there that I could provide her on adjusting? - AgingCare.com

My mother officially entered a nursing home in late January. What resources are out there that I could provide her on adjusting?

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She's 85 and a reader. I thought if there was something I could give her to read, it might be convincing than me trying to explain things to her about how things are and what she needs to do to adjust. Things like speaking up when she has a question, not assuming the worse, etc. She happens to be in one of the best nursing homes in our city, so it's not simply a matter of there being someplace else that would do things just as she wants them. My mother is somewhat of an entitled person and is used to having someone swoop in to make things the way that she wants them. Shes used to being catered to, so there are times she just seems to complain about everything. But when we lived together, she was the same way. The mistake I made early on was trying to meet all her requests. Then I wised up and stopped doing that, but it didn't stop the complaining and constant demands. So, any resources you can point me to to help, would be appreciated. Could be an article, inspiration type writings, short books, etc.

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Thanks, Sendme2help. Unfortunately, my mother is one who turns down most anything given to help her. After three years with her, I hate to say it, but I'm not trying to give her anything that I then have to show her how to use. Previous attempts at that have gone nowhere and I have to draw a line where I don't get sucked in to her negativity. I just want to give her some food for thought--drop it and leave. If she reads it, she reads it. If not, no sweat off my brow. But I will NOT be buying her some electronics just for them to sit unused. Been there, done that.
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I hear ya', Ashlynne. Hate that you had to live through that, but it's comforting to know you feel my pain.
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"Entitled and having someone to swoop in and make everything just the way she wants it ... used to being catered to and complains about everything". My late mother was exactly the same and she just refused to adjust. She spent 3 years in a lovely NH, hid in her room, hated everyone and complained constantly. Narcissist types may never adjust.
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In my opinion, adjusting is something you do when living the life you have. If one makes their focus on the adjusting, that may delay getting on with it.
Sometimes, abilities like learning new things are impaired in the elderly, but can be enhanced with positive reinforcement.
Btw, my friend has always been very positive to start with.
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Audio books on Kindle too.
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It is great that you visit! Give her a Kindle, she can learn to use it slowly, at her own pace. My friend has one-a gift. Her family sends her jokes and positive things to read, and she shares them with me. However, she doesn't need a nursing home. But she could pick out her own books on there, if she is able.
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Thanks, blannie. Yeah, when she complains, I try to listen and offer what I can in terms of tough love talk. I think I will just continue doing that and weighing out legitimate concerns with things that I can't do anything about and that she'll just have to deal with. I've come across a couple of memes that I've printed out about being grateful. I will just keep feeding her positive stuff like that, but be grateful that I can also walk away when she gets too negative and no longer have to live with it!
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If you google "Adjusting to living in a nursing home" you'll find lots of articles. You can also look for articles about adjusting to assisted living. But I doubt, based on what you're saying about your mom, that reading an article will do much. If she's coming from a mindset of entitlement, she's probably not going to change.

The one thing that worked for my dad, when he was in rehab, was a tough love talk from me about how he was treating the staff. My dad was a smart man and I told him he'd get more (and quicker) care by using honey than vinegar in his dealings with his caregivers. Nursing home employees are low paid and deal with difficult situations involving bodily functions and all kinds of unpleasant things. My hat is off to them, so treating them with respect is fair and smart. Good luck!
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Am I right in assuming your mother is still sharp, has her wits about her? she doesn't have Alzheimers or dementia? (Just asking, because that makes it harder on YOU.) Not quite sure what it is you are asking. If she is in a nursing home, and a good one, there are no short cuts, no articles or books that will make it better, she will just have to adjust! She is better off than many..... In four months, if she is still complaining about things, all I can think of is have her priest or pastor go visit and speak to her, that this is her new reality. I don't know of any books, other than Chicken Soup for the Soul, or the bible. Talk to her doctor about some medication to reduce her agitation.
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