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My Mom is being isolated from me and her grandchildren by my eldest sister.



I just typed a huge story here and it has disappeared.

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A professional guardian can be very helpful when it comes to taking care of parent(s) who are ill and unable to care for themselves or express their own wishes. It helps when there are difficult family dynamics to deal with (which in most cases there are!)
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Access your town's social worker.
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I am SO sorry for your troubles, Sapphire56; family conflicts in these situations make everything more difficult. Local (especially in home!!) caregivers definitely have many needs, issues and griefs, but it is very difficult to be far away and feel helpless and out of touch as well. I don't have any suggestions for that, but I think I can help with your disappearing answers, people. It's happened to me so often that now I type my response in a new Word document and when it is finished I COPY it and then paste it into this Answer box. That way if anything goes wrong, I still have it and can copy/paste again! Close the Word document without saving the message after you're sure it's been posted. Blessings on your journey. Lolli
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My mom is now 900 miles away.
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As far as I know...she does not. I do, it is several years old. Written by her attending physician and signed by her but not notarized. I did use it earlier when the time was needed. That's another thing my sister does not like.
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You can also look up patient advocates in your area as well as mediation through JAMS-retired Judges.....it might be cheaper to go the mediation/case worker route or check your local legal aid society. You just want something, I assume that is fair and equitable to your mom, you and the grand kids? She should be involved in the decision as well! It's a terrible time when now we have custody battles over our parent/grandparents! Love should be spread and given as much as possible, not with held!
Best of luck!
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If eldest sister has power of attorney, then she can restrict your visits. I had the same issue with my four siblings, and fortunately I took them to court and the judge agreed with me for visits. It all depends on how much you want to see your mother.
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amazon/Mom-Always-Liked-You-Best/dp/0615480888

I've referred adult children to one of the authors for help in resolving issues around their elders, care, who's doing what, etc.

Also try Googling "family mediation" in your state. There is usually an association which can help you with info and referrals.
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Disappearing stories has happened to me too. Usually because I have hit a key in error. Very frustrating.

Also check with Geriatric Care Managers as some often have had mediation training. You may want to call the Alzheimer's Association, they also help families to understand the disease and hopefully getting siblings to work together. Check with the Area Agency on Aging, they will probably have suggestions.
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In Massachusetts, there is Elder Decisions, in Lexington. I trained with them a couple of times and they are good. They wrote a book, Mom Always Loved You Best, I think it is. About mediating between siblings, but the conflicts can be similar, for care issues, risks, time, proximity, skills - often old family roles need to be recognised as old, and not the current case.

Sorry that you wrote your story and it disappeared - that is So Frustrating!

Glad you asked your question - and writing out the story, sometimes sharing it can help. You can share it here and find other places to share it also, in writing helps a lot, as we reflect and grow, rather than go round in circles with repeats. As one or two pieces gain more perspective, some new options can arise.

Best wishes and stay in touch!
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All great answers above. I know of one mediation service, I believe it's called JAMS Mediation and Arbitration. They have several locations.

There are lawyers who specialize in mediation, rather than litigation. You might call your local bar association for a referral.
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I am sorry for your trouble. What I would suggests is if you know a therapist who works with elders they can help mediate family conflict but the other members have to want to participate for it to work. Is your mom in a facility? If so the ombudsman can help.

You can call local nursing home or assisted living community and ask who they use for psych consultation. If you have EAP at your job they can direct you as well. And finally, search for a social worker /care manager on Aginglifecare.org.

I don't know the backstory but it's also sounding like you are looking for legal representation as well. Maybe a family law attorney who mediates other family conflicts (like child custody) could help? It would be easier to advise if I knew what you wanted help with.
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