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I have become my 84 year old mother's caregiver who has mid-stage dementia. She is now living with me, my husband and our teenage kids. She goes to adult day care during the week just long enough so I can go out to work. Once we are home, my mother's needs are consuming most of my time physically and mentally and as a result I am neglecting the rest of my family. The weekends are the hardest because I'm finding that a person with dementia needs a daily routine and to keep busy so their minds don't wander. Once my mother gets bored or the focus is taken off of her, she has a meltdown. I guess that is why she is doing so well in the Day Care Program. It is structured with lots of organized activities and people to keep her busy. I really need a facility that offers a weekend program designed much like the one she attends during the week. I have found absolutely nothing except home care agencies that can send an aid or companion to my home, which isn't my ideal scenario, but she will not sit with an aid anyway. She will have a tantrum and throw them out. I've also been told that they really won't do much with her anyway to keep her busy and sitting around for my mom, someone with dementia, is a recipe for disaster. I've called assisted living and nursing homes and even they seem to stop activities and programs for the weekend I guess with the thought that it allows families to visit with their loved ones there. For someone in my situation, being the sole caregiver and living with a family member with dementia, I feel a weekend program is a necessity at this point for me to be able to care for my mother at home while still having balance in my life to take care of and spend time with my children, husband and other family members. My mother is in the stage with her dementia that would benefit from being in assisted living or a nursing home type facility but I really want to keep her home with me, her family, for as long as I can. She cannot even sit and focus on TV and gets bored very easily and then starts to cry because she starts thinking and only remembers the past and wants her old life back or gets angry and demands to be taken home; a home she forgets she no longer has. The stress is starting to affect all of us and we're feeling like prisoners. I would appreciate any help with resources and recommendations for facilities or suggestions and advice on how to request this need if there are no facilities providing this service.

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I don't know of any such facilities but I've found that the Jewish organizations are the best sources of suggestions. I think the last time I called was to the Jewish Welfare Federation, but it might be another of their social arms and I just don't remember at this point.

There is another option though with the limitations of the home care aides. Structure a program which they can specifically carry out. Base it on the model of the day care programs.

If she doesn't want to just sit and talk, brief them ahead of time, plan an activity and see if she joins in. This might take a lot of planning on your part, but it's a possible solution.

Good luck.
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Thank you, Gladimhere. Just want to exhaust all options first. I think with a little more help and resources, it will get easier and I will have more time for family. I just can't believe care facilities for the elderly stop all programs on the weekends. Will keep searching.
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Melodie it is time to start looking for a place for mom. Your children and husband have to be your priority. Care for mom is taking a toll on everyone. They could become resentful which may never be overcome.
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