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My dad thinks that the condition is just one of memory and there are no other issues related to having Alzheimer's or Dementia. He thinks he's totally in control of his behavior and actions and that to suggest that he is incapable of driving safely or doing anything else he decides to do is not true. He tells me that :"I'll know when I can't drive any more. I'll know when I will need help."

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As to the 93 year old in assisted living, what's the point of having her know her diagnosis? It wouldn't change anything about the way she lives. I would think that when and why you would discuss the diagnosis would depend on the individual and the situation.
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If he is diagnosed with early to moderate dementia, he is probably in denial. Okay so what, I told my mother and she forgot, I figured once was her right and no use in going into again. He knows on some level that he is "not right." I'd go with the flow and make sure he doesn't do anything to harm himself or others, but for now, I wouldn't press him, it takes time to accept things for all of us. Just misplace his car keys and see how things go, push comes to shove you'll have to get his license taken away and remove the car.
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My mother always responds "you know I've always had a bad memory". The thing that hits home with her the most is when I tell her about President Reagan having what she has (Alzheimer's) and that he forgot that he was ever .President of the United States. She then gasps that she is glad that she is not "that bad" but when I ask her if she knows where dad is she tells me "no, I've been waiting for him to come get me". I then inform her that he passed away over 13 years ago and she shakes her head and responds "I guess my memory is getting real bad, how could I forget that". Long story short, at least for me is that NOTHING will ever register and I am always prepared to keep answering the same questions over and over again until dad comes to get her.
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I don't see the point in letting people know they have dementia. First, they are in denial, and understandably so. Then again, they might not comprehend this, or plain forget; or might not want to know. You cannot make decisions for them. I would say a reference to the poor memory which is traditionally associated with old age is sufficient.
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This reminds me of the joke, if you give an alcoholic coffee, what do you get? A wide-awake drunk! Have you shown him his tests (EEG, CT, PET, MRI)? There will be a radiologist's/doctor's impression at the bottom of each report. Let him read it. Then if he still doesn't believe the results, notify DMV he is memory impaired and they will revoke his license based on a doctor's signed letter. You are wasting your time and breath by trying to convince a person with dementia they don't have it, until the disease progresses. Be patient, kind, and keep him safe, but you are not going to convince him at this stage anything is wrong. Isn't it enough to know that you know and you will be prepared?
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By the way, to get my mother off the streets, I told her that her license had expired and that she gave her car to my nephew like she had promised him years ago that she would. She would pout about it for awhile, but soon forgot.
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We just took my moms car.We had to to be responsible people.She had 3 accidents.I would not want her killing someone on my conscience.She has moderate dementia.She also got lost driving a few times.Scary but needed.
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Some memory loss and confusion have physical causes. Don't assume some form of dementia until it's checked out and validated medically.

If you're sure it's dementia, let it go. Their ability to reason is going or gone. Any attempt to justify your rationale or point of view could easily provoke arguments or hostilities. The odd saying about dementia is they tend to remember their anger longer than they remember anything nice or pleasant. A neuro-psychiatrist once told me it was because anger was stored in a different part of their brain and isn't forgotton as soon as pleasurable occurrences.

We have had this conversation many times about driving. Some folks continue to believe that it is important to get their drivers license taken away. What you have to understand it is (1) they will drive anyway if they have access to a car and the keys and (2) those who are selecting the "option" to wait to have the doctor or the DMV yank their license, either simply do not understand the severity and the danger of allowing a dementia patient to drive OR hey don't want to be the one to take the driving privilege away. The truth is, only removing the keys which provide access to the car can stop the driving. If removing the keys only results in constant perturbation of the dementia patient about where the keys are, then the only choice is removing the car completely as a visual reference to actually help them forget about driving.

When you're sure its dementia, learn all you can and be as kind as you can be because nothing that is happening to them, including the way they behave, is anything they can keep from doing. Behavior modification can work somewhat in the very early stages but eventually the only answer to severe behavioral problems will be medication adjustment. The ONLY answer until they pass away.
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Well - I believe that people must know that they have been diagnosed with dementia - so they know what is happening to them. That said, if a person gets too upset or keeps insisting s/he is fine, well, I guess I would just drop the matter. As for driving, you could also file down his ignition key slightly so that it would not work when he tries to start the car. There is also a device that you can attach to the ignition that prevents it from starting but - sorry - I don't remember the details. Good luck!
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I think it's important for you, the caregiver, to be "on the side" of your person. I don't mean that you should let them do dumb things. I mean that you should act sad that "those jerks" at the DMV say she has to stop driving. Blame the outside world.

I think it's fine to agree that Mom is "not that bad" most of the time. It is true that we all have occasional memory problems. We can know that hers are really that bad, but we don't have to remind her.

"I know you can do it, but just this once, will you let me do it? You know how I worry."

Before my husband was tested and diagnosed with dementia of the Alzheimer type, we discussed how he would feel if he were diagnosed. He and his therapist agreed that knowing would make him feel bad. So we don't use that word. It's memory problems or ADHD. That's not what I would want, but it's what he wants.

When they say, "What's wrong with me?" maybe answering "I don't know, but I will take care of you and keep you safe" would be reassuring.

It's tough.
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