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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Hi everyone. I'm circling back on an ongoing situation with my mother-in-law. She's been in a steady decline with dementia for the last 10 years, and now she's at Stage 5 (out of 7). She needs help with all daily living tasks and also barely eats anything now, so we really have to prompt her. She's 75 and her husband is 86. They both still live at home, but are struggling, and we're in a different state. I love them dearly so it's been so hard to see them decline. More than a year ago, I found an excellent Assisted Living/Memory Care place 10 minutes from our house. I also found a terrific place in their state, about 30 minutes from their home. While my mother-in-law clearly needs more help and support, my husband's sister is very resistant to transitioning her into Memory Care, despite seeing the needs she has. Every time there's a crisis, we fly or drive over to help (my husband and I and his sister). They did recently arrange some in-home helpers, and it's helping to a degree, but a lot is still falling through the cracks. It's like watching an impending train wreck. My sister-in-law is POA so she holds the cards. My only guess is that my sister-in-law only sees negatives with Memory Care and not the positives. At what point does this become neglect? It's definitely strained the relationship between us. I love and want the best for her parents, and leaving them alone at home is very precarious. I'm incredibly frustrated.
I remember your previous posts and how frustrated I felt for you. I agree with Geaton. Since your sister-in-law has their POA and she is the one resisting, leave her on her own to deal with each situation that arises, to force her to accept the reality.
Is your husband still in denial, or is he accepting but reluctant to confront his sister, or is he on board but she ignores him?
Who is the PoA for your in-laws? This is the person who gets to legally make the decision.
If no one is the PoA for your in-laws and you are in disagreement with your SIL about a sustainable care plan, you are under no obligation to participate in orbiting around them. I would make it clear to your SIL that you won't be participating in any further orbiting because the current arrangement isn't sustainable for you. BUt this needs to come from your husband to give it teeth and not create an international incident. Once she gets a taste of the reality of having to do it by herself, she will probably change her mind. You don't have to give her any reasons because "no" is a complete sentance. If you give reasons she will attempt to negotiate with you. Your MIL needs MC or LTC and not AL. Your FIL will eventually burn out and will have his remaining health negatively impacted.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is your husband still in denial, or is he accepting but reluctant to confront his sister, or is he on board but she ignores him?
If no one is the PoA for your in-laws and you are in disagreement with your SIL about a sustainable care plan, you are under no obligation to participate in orbiting around them. I would make it clear to your SIL that you won't be participating in any further orbiting because the current arrangement isn't sustainable for you. BUt this needs to come from your husband to give it teeth and not create an international incident. Once she gets a taste of the reality of having to do it by herself, she will probably change her mind. You don't have to give her any reasons because "no" is a complete sentance. If you give reasons she will attempt to negotiate with you. Your MIL needs MC or LTC and not AL. Your FIL will eventually burn out and will have his remaining health negatively impacted.