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I recently moved out of state and took my mother with me. My mother now has dementia and I have a son with severe behavior issues. I will be laid off my job in June of 2014. However I feel I need to resign now because I take more time off because I am afraid to leave her alone during the day while Im at work and she is unable to receive assistance because she has not become a resident of the state we live in and even if she does they will use my income also I am thinking about resigning from my job and moving back home where I have more support and my mom will qualify for assistance and I can obtain employment

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I don't think it would be a good idea to quit your job. Perhaps move back to the town you came from and get a job there and get more care for your mom. But just don't stop working outside the home. It would not be a good idea.
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Mwilliams, the question really revolves around creating a future for you and your son, What will serve you best in the long run financially? As stressful as it is, being employed is not only in your best interest, but, having an outlet out side of your home will give you perspective. Perhaps searching for work in your home town before you get laid off would be the best so the move and more help/support will be there for you . Finding as much support for your mother in terms of day care and respite care at the same time will probably be most helpful. How close are you to retiring yourself? How much financial aid will your child need.? Good questions to ask yourself before making that decision. Mom will eventually need either full time care or NH care so looking out for YOUR future is imperitive.
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Gosh no do not give up a job to look after your mum and your child with behaviour problems that would be too much stress really think long and hard read these posts.
I am caring for mum fulltime and its tough very tough no help or support from anyone. I only have a cat to worry about and trust me I do worry about him when im not there and mums alone with him so far so good.
I just cannot imagine what id do if I had a child on top of this healthy or with behaviour problems? my friends boy has adha she dosnt work is OK for money and looks after him with no support from father and shes ill from stress as much as we love and want to care for our loved ones sometimes its just not possible.
Move back home get as much help and support as you can but keep a job it will become your sanctuary! Trust me! my sanctuary is the BATH!
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You need to step back and think about the whole situation LOGICALLY, rather than making an emotional decision. My recommendation is to STAY with the current job.....as you said, layoff is only 7 months away! In the meantime, you may be able to hire a companion or nurse aide to check in on your mother during the day. During the next 7 months, you can carefully PLAN your move back to your support network and start looking for a job there online while you are planning. That way, you can go from this job to the next job. It's important to "get your ducks in a row" before you make a hasty decision. I think NOT having a job would be disastrous for you....at the very least, you need the stimulation of getting outside the house for 20 hours weekly. What about health insurance? Have you thought about it your options? COBRA is not cheap - for my husband and I it is $1200 per month! (We are on COBRA from my previous job.) When I priced a comparable plan on the new state exchanges, it was going to be the same price.
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DON"T DO IT!!!!!!! I did it 5 yrs ago thinking I could move to the state where my mom lived and find a job there while helping her out. 5 yrs ltr I am now financially dependent on my mother who I care for. I have no money saved and am completely dependent on her financially (room/board, medical and dental). I do have a part time job that will not sustain me. It's really just a way to get respite for a few hrs. Unless you are fabulously wealthy or have a huge nest egg saved don't do it. You will regret it.
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I gave up working so I could care for my dad in my home and it was one of the worst errors in judgement I have ever made. My dad became my life. The highlight of my day became weighing my dad to see if he had gained 2 lbs overnight. I hitched myself to my dad financially so we could live in the house I had (since I couldn't afford it without a salary) and as time went on I began to obsess over money and my future. My dad wasn't getting any younger and certainly wasn't getting any healthier.

I don't know what other options you have but my suggestion would be to never give up your job. Make adjustments, change your hours, take a leave of absence for a short while if you have to but hang onto your job.
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If I read your post correctly, NC is the state you moved you, your son and your mom "TO". What state would you be moving BACK to? Would your mom be able to go into assisted living there? And you and your son would have your own residence? If you were to move in together and you would have a job, there would still be the issue of "household income". The move to where you have family support, moving your mom into AL or skilled nursing, whichever is the best for her, AND getting a new job in the new state sounds like the best idea for you and your son. Under your circumstances, with a problematic child who needs your attention, you cannot afford emotionally or financially to become a full-time caretaker of your mom, whose house will most assuredly continue to go downhill.

Please keep posting.
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If you're going to be laid off, try hard not to quit before the layoff. A layoff comes with benefits, including a lump sum payout, COBRA health care. If you're with a good company, they might have a retraining budget you could use to learn about caregiving or a career that you can do working from home. Also you probably get to use the company's EAP employee assistance plan, which will have resources to help you cope with switching into full time caregiver mode.

You also want to make sure you don't skimp on your son, who has special needs for your time. It can be hard to balance between two competing generations who need caregiving.
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Knee-jerk response to your lead question should you give up your job? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DON'T DO IT!!!!!

No male head of household would even consider that option (apologies gentlemen if you're among the very rare exceptions). Don't you either.

Clearly, it's much more complicated than that for you. How does this work? 1. Find a job in the state you would like to move back to, where your mother is entitled to benefits and you've got more support. Do that first. It's famously easier to get a job when you're currently in one. 2. Plan the home and family move around your change of job. 3. Your job is your income, your security and also your place of safety that takes you out of the caring bind. When you are at work, you have "left the building" in caring terms and somebody else must cover for you. Grab every type of assistance you can find. As Jeanne very wisely counselled me (and I shall act on her advice as soon as I can get a grip) you will be a BETTER carer for protecting your own health.

Do not let go of paid work. Good luck, may a really good plan come together for you xxx
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Hello dear, I have left my job 4 months back because I was in a stressful environment and needed a break as have been working close to 14 years. And coincidentally my mother who is a vertigo patient had repeat bouts of her attack. I have been taking care of her since then. Guess you should consider the following before taking the step of leaving your job:
a) How long have you worked with the current organisation and are you respected and liked there. Do you feel satisfied and happy with your job
b) Are you financially equipped to handle the situation in absence of a job
c) Do you have skills that could help you take up a 'work from home' option
d) How serious is your mother's condition - can a nurse take care of her in your absence
e) Would you be able to rejoin as and when your mother's condition improves ?

Basically my experience with my mother has been both positive and negative - I have got to spend quality time with my mother and I feel I am doing my bit for my parents. My mom has done a lot for me and I feel gratified that I can be there for her when she needs me. Also would not have any regrets at a later point of time...

On the flip side, have become overtly anxious and fearful of her vertigo attacks (as my mom happens to be petrified of her vertigo attacks). I also see that I have got hooked on to the net looking for solutions for her problem - know it is not a very healthy sign but I seem to be obsessing about her problem. So you should ask yourself if would be able to take care of your mom without becoming overtly attached to her medical condition.

Take care and lots of love...God bless
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