Should we resign our duties to our mother's Power Of Attorney?

I agree with lily, third party may make the difference. My Mom who does not have dementia or alzheimers is just about as bad as yours. So distrustful. Has had an easy life, very healthy, kids no trouble, is 81 and can still drive. But nutty as a fruit cake and negative as can be. Only trusts my brother for now. Has lied about me over and over to keep me off her POAs. At this point, I wouldn't touch her stuff with a ten foot pole. If it should come to me having to take over, I will let the courts appoint someone. I know that is crazy but so is she. You have to protect yourself as well.

When we ran into a sticky financial situation, we took Mom to her bank and had a long time employee sit down and discuss things. She seemed to be willing to listen to someone other than family.

If you and your sister are not POA who will be? Someone has to look after moms money and medical.

Thank you both for good advice. I am going to go to the bank with her so they can show her where she gave my sister and me authorization to be signers on her accounts. It will serve as a documented proof of my mother's actions authorization. Then if she wants us off her POA we can go to her attorney to have us removed. This will call her bluff.

It would help if the doctors would cooperate. It is awful to be pushed into a corner. I saw on the dys fun fam thread that your mum had a nosebleed and was in hospital. Can they evaluate her there in terms of her needs, the driving and the DPOA? Goodness, I think we all know you are not beng selfish. I see my mum slowly becoming less competent to make decisions for herself, and dread the day. if it happens, when I have to act on the POA. Here I just have to do it, and I know she will raise a major stink, and probably want to take me to court for senior abuse A geriatric manager sounds like a good idea. I may look into that as I am getting older, with some ailments myself. I don't know if there are any here. You may have to go for conservatorship some day. I know about everything turning into a fight. It seems to be how they are wired. ((((hugs)))) and ramble away.

AD patients have broken logic buttons. I would not let a third party such as a caregiver have any access to your mother's check book. Yes, there are stories about CG's taking advantage and you don't want an unknown third party to even know how much money your mother has.

Joan~We have so many laws protecting the elderly from abuse because of adult children who have abused their parents in one way or another. Her attorney wrote the DPOA as being inactive until a licensed physician signs a certification of incapacity. The attorney does not know it has to be a neurologist. We live in a small city (65,000). Many specialized physicians are not local or on staff of the hospital here. Taking mom out of town to a neurologist is not a problem, it's only a 25 minute commute. To get a conservatorship requires us to go to court and only a judge can decide if she needs someone to make decisions regarding her physical well being. Documentation is required as well as witnesses to her incapacity. It takes approximately nine months for the whole process unless it is an emergency. When a person is in a situation as my mom, Adult Protective Services can be brought in to determine her mental state. I have no doubt they would recommend she see a neurologist and they have authority to force her as they are social workers for the state. It's a lot of red tape to go through. Hugs to you for all your support♥!!

sharynmarie, thank you for the information about geriatric managers. My mother has a springing power of attorney, which sounds like what your mother has. I am not on it or any other one for that matter. But I just informed my brother what a springing POA is. He is going to try and get her to do a new POA. In her home state a law was passed January, 2012 for a new POA which must be accepted by all banks, etc. Unless you specify that you want a springing power of attorney, the poa will be active the moment it is notarized and signed. She will fight this.

Now I know what I will do if my brother dies and she no POA at all. My question is how would i go about hiring a geriatric manger and how would I pay for it since I would have no access to her funds?

I have no intentions of paying for anything for her since she is financially well off. Thanks!

yeah mom behaviour will be made miles worse by her alz, so leaving her and her finances alone wont help her. sounds like you and your sister need help and support to undersand and manage mams behaviour, can social services, or doctor or alz society help you, one thing i do no is she will be struggling and confused with her emotions as much as you and your sister are but try stick with her if your all she has good luck x

suz, Hi - we are talking about personality disorder here more than AD. My mother has been like this all her life - has short term memory loss now, but never been diagnosed with a dementia. She is in an ALF and manages all her affairs, and it competent, so far, it seems. Sharyn's mother has a personality disorder too and the Alz exacerbates that. They both are narcissistic. It makes dealing with their aging difficult.