I am seeking suggestions for potential in-between residential options for my 62-year-old brother, who is currently living with his 80-year-old partner in a small NYC apartment. His partner is not in good health, and my two sisters and I, who live hours away, are planning for the time when this arrangement will no longer be feasible.
He is physically healthy but has severe aphasia, rendering him unable to advocate for himself in stressful situations (and he does not always wear his ID badge because he doesn't think he needs it). With no family to care for, he is set financially and can afford the best options possible when the time comes for memory care.
My husband and I, who have downsized into an apartment in a moderate-sized city, had considered letting my brother stay with us as a bridge between his current living situation and memory care, but during recent family trips, he has wandered when his partner couldn't join us due to health issues, with potentially devastating consequences. In addition, he has caused problems in during visits, such as overturning a big pot of enchilada sauce on the floor, leaving faucets on, getting confused about where he is, etc.
Selfishly, my husband and I are in the early phase of retirement and want the freedom to enjoy our 60s while we are still able to travel and take advantage of city living.
Any creative approaches to living arrangements for moderate AD relatives would be greatly appreciated.
And no, you and your husband are not selfish for retaining your well-earned retirement plans.
The partner may want to move some place with your brother.
Short term, get caregivers in the apartment. Since he has a partner you can probably start with daytime only. Maybe gradually ease in....
8-noon for awhile
8-6 for awhile
8-8
If the partner is capable of calling 911 then you might not need overnight care.
Also, if the partner is long term it would be cruel to move him out of the area he lives now so that the partner can visit.
severe aphasia. There now is some Dementia. I think he would be able to go to a Memory Care facility.
You need to talk to his partner. Is brothers care getting too much for them? Would they want strangers in the home caring for brother? Or would they be happy have brother placed and visit him?
Since he has funds, this is good news. You can have him live with you only if you have an aid 24/7 (due to his wandering). Or maybe look into respite care.
But what about his partner? Is it a long-term relationship? Does the partner have any other family?
FYI you are NOT selfish for wanting to enjoy the fruits of your labor and retirement.