I resent every moment she is here. I avoid her as much as I can. She is negative to the highest power. Always has been along with mean when upset. She has no where else to go. My life was good and now it’s hell. That’s it in a nutshell.
Speak to Council on Aging for suggestions. Connect with a social worker to help guide you through this. They can tell you what they feel is best for her. Tell them that you no longer wish to care for her in your home.
There are nursing homes that can care for her and you can resume your previous life. Best wishes to you.
On your profile you wrote: "my mother had to move in with me." No, Makes, she didn't have to move in with you. You chose to allow her to move in with you despite all the history of mental abuse you also wrote about.
Now, you're hiding from her in your own home (and yard). That "she has no where else to go" is not a good enough reason to continue allowing her to live with you. She is 95 but could live to be 100+. She sounds like a strong woman.
You have options. Please do yourself a favor and start finding a nursing home to take her. You live in California, which is one of THE most generous states when it comes to Medicaid/MediCal, etc.
If she gets sick and requires hospitalization, please do not accept discharge back into your home. Let the case manager/social worker find placement for her.
Please recognize that you matter. How much longer do you want to live in "hell?"
This isn't exactly answering your challenge, but i haven't seen anyone yet post this. I am caring for my 92 yo mom and her social worker (found thru the state dept of aging and long term care) told me that mom was eligible for a caregiver paid for by 'the state.' So my husband and i can get away for a few hours each week. have you checked out the aging and long term care in your state?
MMC75 So very sorry you are going through this with your mom. I think it’s human nature to forget some of the difficulties of prior relationships and so you probably didn’t remember exactly what you would be getting into or thought after all this time you might be able to manage. Have you looked into alternative living arrangements? Please don’t take anyone’s word for it that she isn’t eligible etc. until you have checked for yourself. Try to find a certified elder attorney who has experience with getting the eligible in a Medicaid bed if money is the issue. I too am overseeing the care of a 94.9 yr old. My DH aunt with dementia and I am spending much more time with her these days than I ever intended. It’s bittersweet as we were always great friends but one does grow weary and I have my own issues. I encourage you to come here for support as you work out your best course of action.
How about a Skilled Nursing Facility with Medicaid footing the bill? Isn't that an option for your 95 y/o mother?
Otherwise, I don't know how you can avoid the level of resentment you have towards her and the fact that you consider your life to be hell now that she's moved in. If it were me, I'd find another place for her to to live asap. Living with toxic negativity in your own home all the time, and having to find a place to escape to isn't fair to YOU in any way, shape or form.
My mother is 94.5 and living in Memory Care Assisted Living. She too is negative to the nth degree and very very mean when upset. There is no way I could possibly live under the same roof with her and I don't. When she runs out of $$ for private pay, I will apply for Medicaid on her behalf and get her placed in a SNF if she's still alive. It's the only option b/c I have no siblings and she's NOT moving in here with me and my DH!
What if you broke both of your legs? Or moved to Alaska? Where would she go then?
Doesn't sound like this is working out so well..
My thinking is when Plan A is not working, move to Plan B.
There are nursing homes that can care for her and you can resume your previous life. Best wishes to you.
Have you considered Medicaid? Why is she living with you and not in a facility?
You don't HAVE to take care of her.
Now, you're hiding from her in your own home (and yard). That "she has no where else to go" is not a good enough reason to continue allowing her to live with you. She is 95 but could live to be 100+. She sounds like a strong woman.
You have options. Please do yourself a favor and start finding a nursing home to take her. You live in California, which is one of THE most generous states when it comes to Medicaid/MediCal, etc.
If she gets sick and requires hospitalization, please do not accept discharge back into your home. Let the case manager/social worker find placement for her.
Please recognize that you matter. How much longer do you want to live in "hell?"
So very sorry you are going through this with your mom. I think it’s human nature to forget some of the difficulties of prior relationships and so you probably didn’t remember exactly what you would be getting into or thought after all this time you might be able to manage.
Have you looked into alternative living arrangements? Please don’t take anyone’s word for it that she isn’t eligible etc. until you have checked for yourself. Try to find a certified elder attorney who has experience with getting the eligible in a Medicaid bed if money is the issue.
I too am overseeing the care of a 94.9 yr old. My DH aunt with dementia and I am spending much more time with her these days than I ever intended. It’s bittersweet as we were always great friends but one does grow weary and I have my own issues.
I encourage you to come here for support as you work out your best course of action.
Otherwise, I don't know how you can avoid the level of resentment you have towards her and the fact that you consider your life to be hell now that she's moved in. If it were me, I'd find another place for her to to live asap. Living with toxic negativity in your own home all the time, and having to find a place to escape to isn't fair to YOU in any way, shape or form.
My mother is 94.5 and living in Memory Care Assisted Living. She too is negative to the nth degree and very very mean when upset. There is no way I could possibly live under the same roof with her and I don't. When she runs out of $$ for private pay, I will apply for Medicaid on her behalf and get her placed in a SNF if she's still alive. It's the only option b/c I have no siblings and she's NOT moving in here with me and my DH!
Good luck!