Need encouragement for a SAHM mom with 2 under 2 and caring for 82 year old grandma. How do I incorporate her needs and not become resentful? - AgingCare.com

Need encouragement for a SAHM mom with 2 under 2 and caring for 82 year old grandma. How do I incorporate her needs and not become resentful?

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So I'm a 29 year wife and mother to two little girls. One is 1 and the other almost 3. Me and my husband are living in a small two bedroom home. He was raised by his grandmother due to his parents being too irresponsible to raise him. So he has always considered his grandma his real mom. She did a great job and was so selfless in what she did for him. Now she has reached a point that she needs our help. She is in great health and just has her small moments of forgetting things, not understanding stuff, etc. So she has moved in with us. It has been about a month. We moved our girls into our room in order to provide her with her own privacy and space. She has a place where ahe can get away from the craziness and even has a T.V. in there. So basically I am happy she is here. Recently I have been struggling with being annoyed with things like, loss of privacy, things put in the wrong place, and having to take care of her more that I thought she would need. My two girls have been my priority until now, and at 18 months apart, they take up all of my time. How do I incorporate her needs now too, and not become resentful? I just want her to feel comfortable and happy. I don't know how to emotionally deal with this change. But I feel like a horrible person for being frustrated. Any help would be good. Thanks!

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Maybe try scheduling , boundaries of time and space. You are getting yourself in the middle of something really big. You now officially have 3 children and you are going to have to become more flexible than ever before. Things are going to be constantly moved rearranged and you are going to have to just let it go. Your children are going to make you crazy too, if you don't get past order. Will or does she qualify for senior housing where your moving, if she is able to handle being alone? You can hire help for cooking cleaning etc. even if she is in housing. If your going to make this work, it is alot of work and your husband is going to have to help as well. Your not super woman and you have to come to grips with that. I admire and understand your devotion of wanting to make her life as good as she has provided. I get it.. that's why I moved in with my mom full time. No one could of ever prepared us for this and I never knew how much it takes out of you everyday. I can't even imagine having two children as well, I do good to remember to let the dog out. Sit down and figure this out now because it gets worse, alot worse.
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Yes. The two bedroom thing is short term. Just until next summer when we have to move to another city. We are just having to do this for now. We currently live in a super expensive city so even with her income we can't afford something bigger. Originally we thought we were going to get a bigger place and it did not work out. So for a few months we must survive like this. I agree space is incredibly important. I forgot to add that part of the story to the post.
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I don't see how this can go on long term. Sharing a bedroom with two children is a huge sacrifice for you. And how is is going to be for the children as they get older? A seven-year-old needs some space of her own. And lordy, don't Mommy and Daddy need some privacy?

So, what is your plan for the next few years? Does Gramma have some income -- SS or a pension, etc. If she pays "rent" could you afford a bigger house?

I understand why you both want to pay her back for the wonderful job she did raising your husband. But you don't want to do it at the expense of not doing such a wonderful job with your own children.

You are understandably annoyed after a month. What will it be like after a year, two years, five years?

I think it is time to sit down and make some long term plans. Things don't have to change next week, but you ought to have some concrete ideas of how to improve this situation so it can continue to work into the future.
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