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Her heart and blood pressure are bad. The doctor says she'll probably never walk again. They have her arms tied because she keeps taking the IV needles out. She is miserable. I want her to be made comfortable and just let her go. They can see prolonging her life is futile. This is crazy hard.

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My mother is in hospice at the assisted living facility where she has lived for the past two years. They are giving her continual care which is very comforting to me. My sister is coming out from CA and she thinks she's comforting but she's not. Still, Mom will be happy to hold her hand. I had no idea Alzheimer's ended this way. No clue.
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I was referred to hospice by the hospital social worker because the doctor was not suggesting it (as others have mentioned as well). I called hospice myself and they sent one of their people out to the house to see if Mom "qualified" which she did. They were wonderful in caring for her and helping me as I was an only child of a single parent who was dying of cancer and wanted to be in her own home (she got her wish!). The social worker told me, "let them help you as much as possible so you can be her daughter and not her nurse…she needs her daughter too." Such good advice I'll never forget. We signed on with hospice home care on Oct 1 and Mom passed away on Dec 2. Don't hesitate to contact hospice!
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Hopsice will come at your request. You don't need a doctor to request them. They have their own requirements and will determine whether your loved one falls within them. Just make the call if you're interested and let them tell you if they'll come. God bless you.
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Just remember, just because you go on hospice, does not mean that everyday will be a good day. My partner has his days filled with fiddling with the sheets, wanting to get out of the bed. It is taking time to adjust his meds to his physical weight and strength. The mind does not want to give up, but the Spirit wants out. It is a fight to the finish. At first, I was conservative with the drugs thinking I would overdose him. Finally I got the picture. Hospice is all about making them VERY comfortable. They do not want the patient to be fiddling or worrying. You would be surprised at the amount of drugs my partner can take into his system and still be fighting all over the place. It is HARD. I get very very tired. But, when he finally has the correct doses and falls asleep or is sweet as sweet can be, I start to cry inside. I told the hospice nurse, I was afraid I would overdose him and she said "you can't". I have to remember, this is our choice, and he wants to end it. But, in God's time, but with all the medication that his body can take to stop the pain and suffering. It is horrible to watch someone suffer that you love. So, if you take on Hospice with your loved one, really really love them. If they are in a care home, visit them often to make sure they are comfortable. I was told that I had to stop jumping to him with every movement he makes. I wanted to make it better. It is VERY hard. Anyone who has sat with their loved one = sleeping next to them on the couch every night until they go, will tell you...It is the hardest job you will ever do in your life. God Bless
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When my Mom was in the hospital and not doing well I talked about hospice to the NP and doctors and just got blank looks or vague answers. It was not until she was in rehab a year later that the NP in that nursing home recommended the hospice organization they have come in there, she went on hospice and it has been a Godsend. I would contact a hospice organization directly to have one of their doctors do an evaluation.
Sadly I believe often hospitals will avoid putting a patient in hospice if they think there is more money to be made. Better to have the hospice company doctor do the evaluation.
For us Hospice ended all that horrible pressure to rehab and struggle to get to multitudes of doctor's appointments and deal with physical therapy etc. It has been a huge relief to us.
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Absolutely call in Hospice I 've received help from them with both my husband and then my mother... and they're not just there to help the patient they are there for you too. My only regret is that I didn't call Hospice sooner...don't wait, you and your mother need them now.
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Kgaither...You know you are right! END OF LIFE CARE. While you are caring for a patient on Hospice, that is a thought we must remember. We are NOT going to make them well. They MAY get better on their own however. I have met a women who was on hospice and is out and about on her own these days. Go Figure. But her son is the chaplain for Hospice here, and maybe he has an IN with God. Not all Hospice patients die. Soon after going on hospice you will know. I have told my kids to GET ME HOSPICE and take good loving care of me. But, LET ME GO.

I would recommend anyone taking care of a Hospice patient to not think HEALING. There is a time to live and a time to die. At first, I kept thinking, if I care for him properly, maybe I can see him healed and back on his feet alive and well and chasing me around the house again. Sooner than later, I realized that was not going to happen and started the process of taking care of him, THE WAY I SHOULD instead of what I WAS THINKING I SHOULD. They are dying, we must accept it and make their lives comfortable. That is what the drugs are for. The Hospice Box of meds is certainly a Miracle of our day. Loosing them is difficult, and depending upon your belief, you believe you will see them again or not.
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And they don't have to be 'dying'. My mother had 2 mild strokes and she had congestive heart failure. I talked to her doctor and he put the order in. As it's already been said, they can be called in for a condition where your parent is not going to get better from. And it was called End of Life care just like Llamalover47 said.
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I live in Oregon and we are a Right to Die state. However, my partner and I believe in dying in God's time. With that said, not all doctors agree with Hospice and I do not know why. We are very fortunate that our Doctor is the Hospice doctor. It was funny as We have gone to him for 20+ years. Some people make comments about our doctor and we could not figure out why the negative comments. Turns out I did not know he was the Hospice doctor. And with that said, those who have bad things or thoughts about Hospice assume he does not care about LIFE. Could not be further from the truth. My Partner is dying a beautiful death. He spends a lot of time lately talking to everyone who has gone before him. He also has talked with God. How wonderful that makes me feel. Neither of us would agree to die in a hospital and we both made this promise to each other. In our case, our plans were written up and all documents prepared for EVERYTHING POA, Trust, Last wishes and everything else long before his Parkinson became worse. You and your mother are in my prayers tonight. God Bless
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When my husband died, I begged the doctor to call in hospice and the doctor kept saying my husband was not dying. FINALLY while my husband lay in ER, he called hospice. My husband died the next evening at home. This doctor obviously did not believe in hospice. Don't count on your doctor agreeing with you. Do it yourself and hospice has a Hospice doctor.
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Yes ABSOLUTELY DO IT NOW. Of course, someone has to be the primary caregiver and be available until you establish others to sit in for you. My Partner is SO comfortable, and if he gets even the slightest uncomfortable, they are on it. He was up for TWO nights and I was exhausted to the point of not being able to stand. They came this morning and because he is a solid 200 lb man they increased the dosages. Believe me you will feel so much better about your mother's passing. CALL THEM
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Hospice is end of life care and in this case, I suspect your mom qualifies.
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I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. The difficult decisions you will be asked to make will be made that much more difficult due to emotions. Be strong, do as much research as you can and try to get some rest. I'm surprised that someone from their social services, or the facility doctor hasn't suggested hospice for your mom already. But if this is recent, you may be on their list for a call today.

You can request hospice for your mom, however a physician's Order is necessary to get it. From what you have indicated - that won't be a problem. A MOLST form is for Massachusetts. The California version is called POLST. It may be called something different in your location. I hope your for your sakes you have a HealthCare Directive and Medical POA (along with others) in place.

The facility where she is eventually placed will have you fill one out. If she goes home on hospice, the hospice provider will walk you through the process and provide 'comfort' medications. Eye drops, (ie) are included in that definition as they do not prolong life, but provide comfort. Keep in touch and best wishes are with you.
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Yes, your doctor can order it for her. My mother is almost 91 and is in the advanced stages of dementia; after she had an attack of seizures, her doctor ordered hospice and it has been WONDERFUL. A nurse's aid comes once a day to bathe her and clothe her, a registered RN comes once a week, we have a chaplain who comes to the house and a social worker. It's made an incredible difference and it's completely covered by her medicare. Talk to your doctor about it, I highly recommend it.
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Hospice was a godsend for my daddy. He had been lovingly cared for over 5 years in my brother's home and when he got to the point with his Parkinson's that he could no longer get up--we called in Hospice. What an amazing and lovely bunch of people!! I know we could not have done the end of life with him w/o them. They provided the hospital bed, support and meds he needed to live out the remaining month or two of his life. He went peacefully, and with the dignity that he would have wanted. I hope your mother has made clear her choices of "end of life care". If she hasn't, this could all fall on you. Others who have posted ahead of me have covered the legal and medical aspects. I wish you well. Hospice will provide you with comfort, guidance as to what to expect and peace. Not everyone gets to have a "lovely exit" from this world. I am so glad that we had hospice for daddy. Now we know when the time comes, how to deal with Mother. She LOVED the people who came to the house and supported her and relieved her from the anxiety of knowing what to do.
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1st off, Don't let anyone tell you that a time frame (like 6 months to live) is a requirement. Hospice has changed dramatically in the last few years. I attempted 3 times over a 6 month period to start my mother on hospice and was told (incorrectly) she didn't meet the requirements. Then I finally spoke to someone AT HOSPICE and they offered to send a nurse and doctor to our home to evaluate. Thank God for them. Within 2 days they had a full team working with us . My Mothers Quality of Life, Or Comfort Level to be more precise was addressed quickly. When You speak to Hospice , Make CERTAIN you ask about Pallative Care. . Aaudreys comments above were right on.
My Heart Goes Out To You & Your Mother
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I have had three times in my life that my relatives needed help. I cannot say enough good things about Hospice! My 94 year old mother had become very confused and not able to do much. I moved her to my home. She was lot to handle... she needed a hospital bed and the insurance company after she had to go to rehab after a fall. All I did was fight with insurance. A friend of mine suggested I call Hospice. Everyone told me that she was not dying so forget it. Well, Hospice accepted her and it was wonderful. She got her bed the next day. They supplied all of the depends, meds, etc. She got someone to bathe her. They only paid for an aid once in a while so we paid for someone for a night... but that was a lot less than what we were paying for a hospital bed rental, depends etc, etc. A nurse came in once a week and a doctor saw her in my home also. You do need a your doctor to approve... but mine did not and with the Hospice nurse and doctor she was approved. When she became in need of 24 hour care they were there... helping her until the end. I recommend their services to two friends who were at their wits end trying to get help (one is in an ACLF and could not get additional help and was spending a fortune on bed etc... now she has the help she needs) The other two instances were end of life... again they were wonderful. I got an accounting from Medicare for my mom and Hospice was paid some 70K and we paid nothing. I cannot say enough to you... try to get it for your mom they will come out and assess her. There are a few agencies affiliated with Hospice in every area.. pick the one you like best.
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Are you her health care proxy?
Have her doctor sign a MOLST form ASAP

Medical Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment -
MOLST Form

The MOLST form is a medical order form that tells others the patient's medical orders for life-sustaining treatment. All health care professionals must follow these medical orders as the patient moves from one location to another, unless a physician examines the patients, reviews the orders, and changes them.

MOLST is generally for patients with serious health conditions. Physicians should consider consulting with the patient about completing a MOLST form if the patient

Wants to avoid or receive life-sustaining treatment.
Resides in a long-term care facility or requires long-term care services.
Might die within the next year.

The MOLST form must be completed based on the patient's current medical condition, values, wishes, and these MOLST instructions. Completion of the MOLST begins with a conversation or a series of conversations between the patient, the health care agent or the surrogate, and a qualified, trained health care professional that defines the patient's goals for care, reviews possible treatment options on the entire MOLST form, and ensures shared, informed medical decision-making. The conversation should be documented in the medical record.

Although the conversation(s) about goals and treatment options may be initiated by any qualified and trained health care professional, a licensed physician must always, at a minimum:

Confer with the patient and/or the patient's health care agent or surrogate about the patient's diagnosis, prognosis, goals for care, treatment preferences, and consent by the appropriate decision-maker.
Sign the orders derived from that discussion

If the physician is licensed in a border state, the physician must insert the abbreviation for the state in which he/she is licensed, along with the license number.

The form includes medical orders and patient preferences regarding

Resuscitation instructions when the patient has no pulse and/or is not breathing
CPR order (Attempt CPR) or DNR order (Allow Natural Death)
Orders for other life-sustaining treatment and future hospitalization when the patient has a pulse and the patient is breathing
Treatment guidelines
Intubation and mechanical ventilation
Artificially administered fluids and nutrition
Future hospitalization and transfer
Antibiotics
Other Instructions
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I'm very sorry you are going through all of this, and her own confusion is keeping her from getting treatment without restraints. First of all if you have POA and healthcare surrogate, you have the right to refuse treatment assuming your mom cannot answer for herself (mentally incompetent). Put her on "Do Not Resuscitate" status--the moment you do that doctors will be more receptive to end-of-life care.
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I admitted my mother into hospice yesterday and the hospital screwed up and sent her back to her assisted living facility WITHOUT PRESCRIPTIONS so then the hospice people (who are super) moved her to their facility a half hour away. Thank God for those people. I didn't think to ask about prescriptions. So if you are moving a loved one to hospice make sure they get prescriptions for the medicines that will make them comfortable.
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Yes, have a talk with her doctor. The doc can order hospice if he/she feels there is 6 months or less and further medical intervention is no longer productive. It may be the best thing for her at this point.
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