I've had several serious problems at my mom's nursing home. And yes, I've talked to the social worker (she's the biggest bully of all), the administrator (who's only interested in keeping things status quo), and the ombudsman (who is close friends with the bully social worker). The latest is that a mentally ill middle aged man on my mom's "secure dementia unit" threatened to "knock her down." I reported this to the nurse. Three days later, mom had a black eye and no one has "any idea" how it happened. Mom is 80. It happened on the watch of the nurse I reported the threat to!
I've just had it. I've seen the result of people complaining. They end up either leaving the nursing home or literally getting neglected to death. Can I report anonymously to the state and count on it to stay that way? The NH is big on repercussions and the staff is all afraid of the higher ups. Too afraid to even speak. They come to me and tell me things on the sly, begging me not to tell anyone they said something. Then they encourage me to stick my neck out and call the state. It just makes me angry. If they know so much, why don't they call the state? They would never have my back.
I also hate when people tell me to "just move her." I can't. it's impossible. In NY, you can't just pick a NH and go. You have to be accepted, and they're not to thrilled with people already on Medicaid with small social security checks. I visited 26 nursing homes in my area. Most of them were so horrendous, I would never consider them. Of the 5 good ones I applied to, this was the only one who accepted mom. It was also the only one who didn't ask for financial info upfront. It's also the only one with private rooms. So, I'm sure you understand that I have no interest in going from the frying pan to the fire. Our current nursing home is considered the "taj mahal" of nursing homes, and if it's this bad here, I don't want to take chances somewhere else. Besides, mom's mental state cannot handle a major move. She became so disoriented at a recent hospital stay that I lost what was left of her and she literally almost died. Only after 2 days back at her NH did she come back to herself.
I don't want them to get away with this! I also don't want my mom kicked out of this NH. I just want this mentally ill man moved, something they don't want to do apparently. I also want them to watch more diligently, mop more, not allow my moms diapers to overflow, even if she "resists..."
I am tormented by this day and night. I feel like my hands are tied behind my back. I cry all the time. I have nightmares. I find myself wanted my mom to die, as much for my relief as hers.
I need a course of action that will actually make things better instead of worse. Please help if you can.