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This woman preyed on our father by meeting him in a senior active community, started having him pay for her bills and she even wrote checks from his account (before marriage). She married him in a secretive ceremony in which we were not old of until after the fact. This was 2 years ago when my dad was 83 and at the very beginnings of alzheimers... now this woman has put him in several nursing homes.. this last one is 4 hours away from any of his family. She has also told us/threatened us many times that she has Power of Attorney and can do anything she wants with him and not let us see him if we aren't 'nice' to her. We know our dad had at least $800,000 in savings for his retirement/health care but she has spent it all and is telling us that she has no more money to pay for the nursing home he's in. We have proof and several people's testimony (from private investigator) that this lady has married old men before (she's 60-ish), spent/took all their money and then they either die or they get a divorce. She is clinically diagnosed as bipolar - hence the big spending sprees and sexual advances we've seen. She was also bankrupt in between her last relationship and meeting my dad.
I know my dad chose to marry her and it seems like this is some form of 'legal robbery'.. but was hoping there was any chance we can prove her for the fraud that she is and get her in jail so she doesn't do this again to yet another naive elderly man and his family.
I'm scared she's spent all of my dad's savings and won't have money to pay for his care anymore, take him back to her home she bought with his money and not take care of him in the way he needs to, to the point where he may die an early death and then take his life insurance as well. (the private investigator does have a quote from her neighbor saying that she told her she was a nurse and can kill someone and 'get away with it'). Just wondering what our options are since this isn't technically an outsider scam but a woman who preyed on him, got married to him and spent all his money.
Thank you,
Pam

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These are the steps we took to save our father. First, we called Adult Protective Services. They encouraged us to meet with the local police detective. One they had a case going, we filed for Conservatorship.. One we were conservators, we also filed a civil suit. She married him too, with a confidential marriage certificate, after we filed for conservatorship. Once the police had enough documentation and witnesses to prove she was up to no good. They arrested her. The District Attorney felt that this was a good case, and could win. After 3 years of hell, she was convicted by a jury of 3 counts of elder abuse. She is now serving her time in State Prison. There is hope, but you must take action now! Good luck!
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If she is also spending his social security you can definitely call them and report her, and she can be forced to produce documentation of all her expenditures for his benefit; if she can't well its bad for her...she can get in a lot of trouble. Social Security is to be used for the expenses and benefit of the senior. She will have to produce actual documentation to them of everything. Its worth a try. You can also call a lawyer who specializes in Elder law. They could help out with advice.
If he gets pension or SS call and report what you are seeing. Have other siblings do this also. Elder abuse is a crime.
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Your State's Office of the Attorney General is usually interested in cases such as you describe, with a history of abuse of more than one person. Almost like the "black widow" syndrome...

That's where l'd start. If you have appropriate documentation, they will start an investigation at no charge to you. You must stress the emergency status of the financial draining. They can freeze accounts and have judges set aside someone's POA if they believe it's warranted.
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Did anyone ever have any results? We are in similar situation with our father. He thought he was in "love". He stayed in marriage because he hoped his wife who is MUCH younger would eventually love him. However, she spends his $ and now that he can barely do anything for himself but he does not want to do go into nursing home (and his mind is still good) she is upset. Issue is they have been married 15 years. I am concerned because she does not feed him, or take care of him at all and totally alienates family. However, when adult protective services are called, he protects her and because it is his wife, they say they cannot do anything...so what can I do? Any suggestions?
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Gee Pam, you just described me, but I love my husband of 29 yrs. and am a nurse and taking very good care of him. I also had twin sisters from grade school have this happen to their father with a woman he met at Greek church, and she did everything you are describing your step-mother is doing. The caveat was that their father left his girls with a Trust that she could not touch.
However, they did sue her as I am recommending you do as well. At least you can damage her credit and the house can be sold IF you can prove she did defraud your father. Gather all the information and documents you have, and also check with your State of Nursing board to check if she has/had a nursing license. If she still has one, you can make a complaint to the board. When there is a marriage, and your father has dementia, it is going to be pretty hard to prove fraud, but try. I went through millions of my husband's money, but he always gave it to me. You father must have been "in love" and it will not be the first time men have been "swindled" by women. Widows with money have also been taken by men who promise to love them, so this is not unusual. I am sorry your father has dementia and cannot tell you what he was thinking when he married her.
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POA documents are public and you should be able to see your Dad's. They usually require the POA to act in the best interest of the person and have clauses about cause for removal. They are also not valid if the person was not legally competent at the time they were given or changed, but that can be very difficult to prove. Adult Protective Services are another possible resource in this situation. No matter how expensive the nursing home, they don't typically reach 400,000 a year. The nursing home would actually help to initiate the Medicaid application or even try to get Social Security representative payee - I wonder if the multiple moves were made in order to avoid this process, rather than to find better care? And whether they were even being paid - possibly that's something you might be able to find out.

I just read a quote from someone to the effect that honorable people often underestimate the depths to which dishonorable people will go...I am sorry this has happened to you and the Dad you love.
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Guardianship is hard to do, it takes letters from doctors and is long and drawn out as well as expensive.

If you do have documentation and eye witness accounts then I would have immediately headed to an attorney, the fraud department of the police and every other agency under the sun to get this woman and nail her to the wall.

If she made such a statement to the neighbor, how do you know that she hasn't already killed someone in the past?

It is my understanding that when a person becomes POA all monies are to be spent for the benefit of the person who gave you their POA, not to buy houses, or apartments, or jewels, or cars. I believe this is considered fraud and I believe she could be thrown in jail.

If someone stole $800,000 of my parents money, you can bet your bottom dollar I would be all over them and reporting them to every agency I could find. There are agencies that deal with fraud of the elderly. In Los Angeles the LA City Attorney sued a contractor for me for my elderly mother who had ripped her off. Go everywhere and speak to everyone to obtain help. Your father was duped and his wife needs to rot in jail!
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Hi, i wrote a similar question back in 2011 about a lady praying on my Father in law.
We were in england at the time i first wrote about it but since we moved back to florida things quickly esculated.
We think we know have a federal case instead of formally been told it was civil, so i say dont wait.... This women has drained everything he and his parents worked hard for and she has done nothing.
Shes bought 3 homes and bought land to a total of 1 million dollars and is currently having 2 homes built on more land she bought with his money.
I hope i can nail this evil nasty waste of a life and give her what she deserves for putting my family through hell for the past 12 years. DONT WAIT :)
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If you have proof from a private investigor and other people's testimonies, why can't you go to your local detective bureau with that and see about making a fraud claim against her? At least lay it all on the table and get some reliable advice. I think you need to do do something really fast. I would also consult an Elder Law attorney right away. I believe there must be a way to get the POA negated, and do whatever is necessary to get your Dad into a facility that is close to you. God bless, and good luck. Please keep us posted too - I am sure we can all learn something valuable from your experiences during this process.
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Go for guardianship, she may have POA but you could put a stop to that and her spending. Had a similar experience but at least the relative had enough sense to not give her POA. She was in her 40's, young enough to be his granddaughter if he had one. And he had dementia. Do you have a Elder Abuse law and agency in your state, contact them.
Yes, I agree with what a prior answer said, dishonorable people think everyone is like them so go ahead and be honorable and go for the guardianship. She will have to provide all kinds of proof of payment, bank records and how every penny was spent-eventually.
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